My Best

If you've found us through Kelly's Korner, then WELCOME! We're linking up today because the topic is "only children". And this handsome little guy is my one and only.......

As the mom of a toddler, I'm always asked "Is he your first?" and "Is he your only?" Most of the moms that I met when Max was first born are already on their second child. Many of the women that I'm close to in my life have at least two kids. Many are pregnant. Many are growing their families in all kinds of ways.

But not us.

And I used to answer cheerfully when people asked. I mean, c'mon folks....who decides to have a second baby when their first still doesn't sleep through the night? Oh right....you guys don't have that problem.

For our family, the decision to try for a second child has not been easy. Long talks, tears, arguments, anxiety, fear. In our house, the unknown journey has been almost paralyzing. So much so that I hesitated to even link up with Kelly's Blog today. I mean, what do I want to SHARE about why we only have one child. Who, by the way is AMAZING. And blesses us with a ridiculous amount of joy every day. Sharing would mean admitting to things that I'm not proud of. Like jealousy. Why is it so easy for other families to adapt to their new normal? How come other people just go off and get pregnant without over-analyzing it to death? Why do other families have the support that they need? How do other moms cope when sometimes I can't? How come most kids sleep 12 hours at night and take regular naps?

Things like fear. Worrying that another child will have the same health issues that Max does. Worried that I won't be able to breastfeed again. Worried that something will go wrong. Worried that the stress of experiencing that first year again will cause irrepairable damage to my marriage. Worried that Max will be sad that some of my attention would be going to a new baby, when it's just been he and I against the world, for 2 and a half years.

In my mind, no one understands this but me. No one gets what it's like to love a child so fiercely, and yet sometimes feel drained so completely. I want Max to have a sibling. He is so sweet and loving to every baby we know. I want him to have a partner in life, someone to walk next to on the first day of school. Someone to watch cartoons with on a Saturday morning. Someone to build legos with and splash next to in the pool. I want there to be another teenager to drive to the high school dance with. I want another adult to sit by his side when Sean and I are old and sick.

I want to give him a best friend.

And of course, I want to love another little human being in all of the ways that I love Max. I want to be pregnant, and dream, and hope, and wonder. I want to mother, and love, and teach. Max is so dynamic and sweet and spirited. I want him to experience loving another child too. Even with all of the twists and turn our journey has taken, I want to experience it again.

But for now? Not quite yet. We haven't reached a consensus yet.

Max is my one and only. And he is the best thing that has ever happened to me. To our family.

I'll Have Mine With Extra Hot Fudge Please!

What's better than a hot fudge sundae? Sharing it with my Baubee...

This bowl doesn't look too big for me, does it?

Now picture this...my Mommy used to hang out here when she was little. Mr. Frostie's is one of the last "old school" things about Mommy's hometown. So I figured, why not try it out?

Baubee, do you think they'll give me some more hot fudge if I ask them really nicely??

I think I like it when Mommy makes us take a walk down memory lane! It tastes delicious!

Postcards From The Edge

Dear San Diego,
We love you.

The Morning After

It's the morning after Pumpkin Fest, and in true local style, we're recovering.

After a day of C-list bands, pumpkin cheesecake, a very cool fire truck experience (Max), walk-around mimosas (Mommy), pumpkin beer (Daddy), artichoke hearts, a corndog, and checking out endless booths of useless shit....we're exhausted. Did you say pumpkin ice cream Captain? Roger. The rig is on it's way....

Oh, and the giant pumpkins. Lots of pumpkins. Lots of tourists parking on our street and making it impossible to run down to the grocery store to pick up well, anything. 3 hours to just get over the hill. One way in, and one way out folks. So today, we're listening to a little bluegrass band that's wafting over our fence from a stage on Main St, and resting up. For next year.

Choose Your Own Adventure

I am a stay-at-home-mom. I wake up every morning to this gorgeous grin.... And while I wouldn't trade these days, this life, this beautiful boy, for anything in this world, I have to admit that every once in a while I stare at the clock in the morning and think...

"What in HELL am I going to do to entertain this child for the next twelve hours???"

Being a stay-at-home-mom does not mean that you stay at home. Gone are the days that I could snuggle my 3 week old on the couch and alternate between singing him lullabies and watching Regis and Kelly.

Keeping up with a toddler is like a Choose Your Own Adventure book. So when it's 7:50 am, and it's raining out, and Max has the tail end of a cold....there's nothing left to do but be creative.

So we bundled ourselves up and went off in search of the Great Pumpkin of 2011.
Thank goodness there was a parade of these Jolly Giants right down the street this morning. I mean, we do live in the Pumpkin Capital of the World, y'all.
We picked up a balloon monkey on the way....
and polished off our downtown stroll with a Pumpkin Spice Latte for Mommy and a bagel for Max. In true "adventure" fashion, the rain started pouring down on us when we were about 3 blocks from the car.

I suppose that's how the memories get made. One soggy balloon monkey at a time.

The measure of my Mommy Success today came when a tiny, sneezy voice from the backseat yelled out "More big pu-in!" as I turned the corner toward home, naptime, and the next six hours of undiscovered adventures.

Five For Friday (But It's Thursday)

1) Mommy: Max, we can't open the umbrella in the car. Mommy is going to put it away until we get to preschool. If it's raining, we'll open it when we get to school.

Max: Waaaaaah!!!

Mommy: Umbrellas are for raindrops honey. It's not safe to have it open in the car.

Max: (crying) I NEED raindrops!!!!!!

2) Mommy: Max, in two minutes we're going to turn your movie off, ok?

Max: (Covers his ears with his hands and YELLS) Yi Yi YI YI!!!

3) Max: (walking up to the pumpkin decorations on our front lawn and gently patting them on the head) Hi puh-in! I MISSed you!!

4) Apparently one of our neighbors (some dumbass) lost his SIX FOOT LONG Iguana. Somewhere between his house and our house. LOST it. As in, posted a missing sign saying that this damn thing is "not dangerous" but may be living in a TREE somewhere, and might get agitated if you approach it. Did I mention he LOST it?? And I'm only guessing that the neighbor is a "he". Because who other than a 22 year old stoner highschool dropout guy with no girlfriend would own a fucking IGUANA? Or as Kerry so kindly pointed out "If it's that big, it's probably an alligator". Great neighborhood we moved in to.

5) Potty training. Well, it's going. Max peed once on the potty. Yesterday he just sat there and grabbed himself and said "point down". At least something is sinking in.