Mmmmmmmuffins!

I'm not a baker. In fact, I'm not much of a cooker either.

Which is why I have been waiting to attempt any kind of "kitchen experience" with Max. Of course, I let him stir things when I cook, or sprinkle cheese on a taco now and again. And he watches me take lots of things out of the microwave.

Now that he's two, and no longer entertained with baby toys like blocks and puzzles and cars and well...pretty much everything that lives in his playroom, I figured that we should learn some mad cooking skills.

So we made muffins.

First you have to put the muffin cups in the muffin pans. This is easier if you're not wearing pants. Yes Betty Crocker, note to self.

And then we mix. Rather, Max mixes, and gets muffin crap all over the counter. Then Mommy tries to take the mixer thing (a beater? what the hell is that?) and Max screams. So Mommy says "OK, Max gets three turns, and then Mommy gets three turns". And we count out loud while Max stirs. "One, two, three! Yay! Now Mommy's turn!" And Max screams. So he just keeps mixing. And raw egg and batter and oil lands all over the counter.

But he's having fun! And this is keeping us busy for a whole 15 minutes! Isn't that how you measure success with a two year old?

We watch the muffins rise in the oven. Which is good for 30 seconds at a time, over about 20 minutes. And then we eat them!

Note: We had our first "food fight" of toddlerhood with these muffins. As in, Mommy tried to peel the paper off so Max could eat the muffin, and he FLIPPED OUT. Started screaming "Nooooooooo!" because he wanted his muffin intact. He wanted to eat it with the paper ON, and would not touch it if it looked any different. And in about ten seconds I realized "OK...we have now arrived at a brand new destination and I do not have a roadmap or my Triple A card". And I remembered the little boy that I babysat for many years ago who FLIPPED OUT when I sliced his hot dog down the middle to cook it (in the microwave of course). He started screaming "Nooooooo cut it!" and refused to eat it. And in the two minutes that I spent changing his sister's diaper, he plucked the damn hotdog off the counter and HID it. To this day I have no idea where he put it. But I remember thinking "That little BRAT. It's just a hotdog!". And his mom was a VERY FAMOUS author who wrote all about how to raise well-behaved children. I thought I was waaay smarter than she was, because there was no way my future kid would ever act so ridiculous! Like someone said to me the other day....I WAS A MUCH BETTER PARENT BEFORE I HAD KIDS.

So we got another muffin, and kept the wrapper on.

This sweet face? Well, that's how you measure a successful cooking project in my book!

Mommy Confessions

In the spirit of being honest and open, and encouraging all of you to feel a little less alone, I thought I'd share some secrets. Wanna know a big one?

About two weeks ago, I bought a six pack of Kraft Easy Mac bowls. They're all gone. I may have eaten one myself, but the other five? Yep, I let my toddler eat instant noodles and powdered cheese for FIVE different meals in the last two weeks.

We're calling this post "Mommy Confessions", because I know you have some of your own.

I don't for a minute think that I am the only mom who doesn't bathe my toddler every. single. day. OK, sometimes......I go for three days. I know?! Right!

I let Max watch TV. I justify it by saying that it's only PBS shows. But now it's also Nick Jr. And every time they have that "Preschool on TV" commercial (you know, where they say that watching their crappy programming is like "Preschool on TV") I feel even worse....because of COURSE it's not preschool on TV. I took Developmental Psychology in college. I know that the glazed look that Max gets when Diego is teaching him Espanol is not the same as real life human interaction. Which honestly, I am sometimes too tired to do for all 14 hours that he is awake every day. Enter The Fresh Beat Band, stage right. For all of my Uppies who are reading this blog, The Fresh Beat Band is like a REALLY BAD VERSION of Up With People, but with the same jazz hands and horribly catchy songs. But I digress....

I often give Max canned vegetables because it is SO much easier.

Sometimes I make Max leave the park when he's not ready, because I am tired of chasing him up and down and around the enormous play structure that he could really hurt himself on. Who the hell makes a play structure with huge holes that toddlers can fall through anyway?

I worry about EVERYthing. I'm afraid that Max will fall out the window. I'm afraid that he will choke on a grape or slip in the bathtub and crack his head open on the stupid soap dish that should never be in that spot on the wall to begin with. Max is two years old and he still sleeps with the motion sensor monitor on his crib, because I am terrified of SIDS. Or that someone will break in in the middle of the night and try to steal him. Maybe I watch too much TV.

And you? I'm sure you've had a day where you made your kid leave the beach after ten minutes because you totally forgot to bring sunscreen. Or you made sure that you saved all the good, healthy snacks for Tuesday when your kid will be eating lunch at preschool....you know, so the teachers can see him munching on bell pepper strips and hummus, instead of the powdered cheese and instant noodles that he may have had five (five!!) times in the last two weeks.

So fess up Mommies! I know that you have some confessions of your own, and if you comment HERE on this blog, instead of on Facebook....you'll have the option of staying anonymous....

Anyone else ever let their kid stay in PJ's and a cowboy hat all day, and then blow bubbles in the living room?
Or grabbed your toddler's dirty socks out of the laundry because you were too lazy to run upstairs and grab clean ones for him to wear? (Really...he's two....it's not like he sweats in them and they get all nasty or anything).

Go ahead....I'll tell you more of mine if you tell me yours....

Parenting In Public

I can hear the chorus of mommy voices rising over the din of toddler tantrums. "Why is she putting her life on the internet for everyone to read?"

"Does anyone really care what her kid ate for lunch?"

"Isn't anything private anymore?"

"I really want to 'hide' her on Facebook. I can't believe she thinks we care every time she posts another blog"

So I'll sound the warning now. If you don't like it, don't read it.

And while I'm at it, let me explain why I am suddenly "Parenting in Public". Across the internet. Blasting the mundane and the every so often extraordinary delights of parenthood to mobile phones, iPads, and laptops from Cincinnati to Chula Vista.

I started this blog as a way to keep our far-flung family connected to my pregnancy. I wanted the grandmas in New Jersey to feel like they were part of every little flutter and kick that I felt. I wanted the grandmas in San Diego to know how every doctors appointment went, and what I was dreaming about as Max grew. I wanted my girlfriends to see how ridiculous my huge belly looked in trendy maternity jeans. And most importantly, I wanted to chronicle Max's beginnings, so that one day when he was old enough, he would know his story. I wanted him to be able to read what I had written, and know every single ounce of how very much he is loved.

And I think he's really fucking cute. So I wanted to share pictures. By the way, he is not picking his nose here. He is saying "shhh", and that's where he puts his finger when he does it.
Once Max came into this world, the reasons for blogging multiplied. I still wrote to keep everyone connected. I still used my blog as a cyber-baby-book. I still let my heart overflow in love letters to Max. But I also realized that this blog was a way to connect with other moms, who might be going through similar things. I started learning (and sometimes living) the lies of motherhood. You know, lies like "breastfeeding doesn't hurt if you're doing it right" and "your baby will sleep through the night by the time they're 3 months old". Even though I have been enamored with my son from the moment I knew he existed, I have at times felt depressed, lonely, and ridiculously fearful. I have felt like I'm doing it all wrong. I've felt like I super-suck at this parenting thing. I've felt like Max's health issues are my fault. And every so often I've felt like I am the best rock star mom on this planet, if only everyone else could see it. Then Max chokes on a cracker while sitting in his carseat and I almost crash while frantically trying to pull over and save him, and I'm right back to feeling like I may be the only mother who has ever mothered and fucked up this much. And I start laughing, because Max just came home from preschool and apparently the most important thing they taught him today was "A-CHOO! Bless!", and he is saying it over and over again, and being a mom is just REALLY FUNNY most of the time. Even when he has silently climbed to the top of the sofa and is lying very still along the highest back cushion, hoping that I don't walk in and see him. And especially when he is dancing down the block with his shadow, and I wonder what the neighbors must think as I am getting my groove on right next to him.

And I promise I won't tell anyone, that you've felt all of these things too.

What helps?

Hearing from the hipster moms, the hippie moms, the career professional moms, the stay-at-home-moms, the old friend and new friend moms, the playgroup moms, the rich and poor moms, the naive moms and the grieving moms. Knowing that your kids are jumping out of their cribs and coloring on the walls during naptime too. It takes a village, an entire community, to teach each of us how we want to mother. And while a lot of that support comes from well-planned girls-nights and late-night phone calls, park playdates and private emails, some of it comes from the stories we share on Facebook and on our blogs.

I'm parenting in public, because we all need each other. I've read your blogs and felt a kinship with your experience, and my hope is that someone might feel a connection to my family, when they thought that no one understood. So yes, this is Max's baby book, but it's also my open invitation to all of you. I invite you to start a conversation, share your experience, and add your voice to this all-encompassing experience of parenthood.

So let me introduce myself. My name is Kim, I am Max's Mommy and Sean's wife. I am trying to laugh out loud about the chaos that is motherhood, and to be honest about our experience growing our family. I'm honored that you stopped by, and I hope you'll pull up a chair and have a chat. We'll be here if you need us, spitting watermelon seeds at each other and chasing bubbles down our driveway. I'm parenting in public, and I'm glad you're along for the ride!

Ten For Tuesday: The Preschool Edition

Top Ten reasons why we love preschool? Well, here you go....

1. Painting. Picked Max up from school today (he he, doesn't that just sound so grown-up? For him, I mean....and I guess for me too!) and immediately thought "Oh my GOD! Why is he bleeding from his ear?!" Closer look? It's just orange paint, and glitter. Max loooves to work on art projects at school, and Mommy looooves that he makes a royal mess on someone else's floor.

2. Rice Table. As in, uncooked rice in a huge tub. With two year olds sifting, pouring, and spilling it all over the floor...I mean, in the tub. Again, hooray for messes, that's how they learn. On someone else's floor.

3. New friends. We ran into Max's new friend E and his mom and dad this weekend. Max immediately started yelling "E!!!" and the two of them chased each other around the restaurant for a good 20 minutes, shrieking with delight. At school last week, another mom came up to us and said "So this is the Max my son keeps talking about!". Apparently there is now a group of 3 or 4 little boys who do everything together in class. Is it bad to be thankful that Max is part of the 2 year old "in crowd"?

4. WE BELONG. These are our people. I chat with some of the other moms in the courtyard at pick-up and drop-off, and it's nice to be sharing a common experience. Making new mom friends is like being in Junior High all over again. Everyone is a little depressed, you're not feeling like your best self, and you're dying to find just one true friend who really understands you. After learning the Politics of Play (don't worry ladies, if you're reading this it wasn't you I'm talking about in that post!) during Max's first year at Day One, I was sad about leaving my hard-earned new friends who **sigh** really GOT me and made this whole parenting thing so much easier....and having to start all over again. But I suppose it's easier the second time around. More like college. You have a little more self-esteem, and you know how this whole "be a friend to make a friend" thing goes down.

5. MAX belongs. He calls his teachers by name, and they greet him with a huge hug and a big smile. They stop me in the hallway to tell me how much they enjoy him, and I am thrilled that his true personality is shining through here.

6. We belong in the "Jewish Way". Now I remember why I felt so strongly about sending Max to a Jewish preschool. I think back to the workshops that I used to teach about adoption, and how strongly I felt about never wanting your child to feel like they were "the only". I don't want Max to ever feel like he is the only kid without a Christmas tree, or the only kid who doesn't go to church. What's even better? In this school, every single child helps to make challah for Shabbat. And every single child learns the same Hebrew songs at circle time. And Max's new friend E. has a Baubee too. When we talk about our traditions, our religion, and our culture, these people know exactly what we mean.

7. Max has an independent life, seperate from me. He eats what he wants for snack. He falls on the playground and someone else scoops him up and gives him a hug. It's hard to be out of the loop for 3 whole hours, but I know it's great for Max.

8. Max is a preschool ROCK STAR. The first week he cried and threw up. Both days. Sometimes twice a day. But he recovered well, and they haven't had to call me to come pick him up. They've called other moms, but Max....Max hung in there. THIS IS A HUGE WIN. This kid impresses the hell out of me.

9. The second week he still cried, but on Thursday he didn't throw up. And he had a smile on his face when I picked him up.

10. Today? No tears AT ALL. My brave little guy let Teacher L. hold him when I dropped him off, and with Teddy in one hand and a whole lotta guts in the other, he had an AWESOME day. I am fiercely, fiercely proud of my amazing boy.

Plums!

Yep, this whole post is about plums..... Max's first "big boy" plum. As in, no one cut it up in little pieces, and Max chomped the whole thing "summer" style....

Call me crazy, but it was really fun to watch....

Yep, this post is indulgent. But he's mine, and he's adorable.

No go find yourself a summer plum! You know you want one!

A Perfect Summer Day

Summer mornings with great friends make me so thankful!

We went to visit Aunt Susie and our little buddies Jack and Molly last week, and they knew just how to cool off when the East Bay heat topped 90!

Max loved having a picnic lunch outside....

and sweet little Molly seemed to be having a great time too!

These boys were clearly plotting something....

and are already true partners in crime!

Thanks for making a summer morning so special Roomie!

Attachment Parenting: What's The Ultimate Goal?

There once was a little girl who stumbled upon three baby chicks hatching from their eggs. Have you ever seen a baby chick hatch? It's a tricky process. And it's not easy. They peck and peck and peck their shell, pushing away each tiny piece until they are finally free. When they emerge they are wet and wobbly, and exhausted from all of their hard work. This little girl had never seen a chick hatch before, so she bent down to try to help one. She carefully peeled away the shell and lifted the little chick out.

And the chick died.

Turns out, when the chick pecks the shell himself, he eats part of the inside of the shell. Something in the shell helps his tiny digestive system to start working. And pecking like hell to get free clears his little chick lungs out, and helps him learn to breathe.

In other words, helping him too much meant that he was never able to grow strong on his own.

I never thought that I would be one of "those" moms. It's easy to have grand philosophies on parenting, when you're not yet a parent. And yet, with little babies come big lessons.

I never thought I'd co-sleep, but it turns out that my son sleeps better when he's next to me. With all of his tummy issues, I could get him to go back to sleep faster if I was there to soothe him before he got too upset. So we took over the guest room, and ultimately bought a big bed for his nursery so that Sean or I could lay with him when he wasn't feeling well. So I guess that makes me a co-sleeping mom.

I never thought that I would hesitate to let someone else watch my son. But other than very close family members and (recently) one phenomenal babysitter, I have kept Max by my side for the past two years. I like being with him. I don't really want him with anyone else. Of course it's nice to have time for myself, but I feel strongly that my job is to be his mom. I didn't quit my job to have someone else watch him grow. I like being the one who watches him peek out from his crib when he wakes up from a nap. I like having lunch together. I like exploring our neighborhood, and having our own inside jokes and silly songs.

I believe that Max is his own little person. That his feelings and needs are just as important as those of the adults around us. Sometimes more so. When he cries, it matters to me. When he is scared, or shy, or silly, or exhausted, it matters to me.

We're buddies, Max and I. And when I step back to look at us, I realize that what I've been doing all along is Attachment Parenting. Treating your child like a human being who is equal to you, co-sleeping, baby-wearing, super-involved parenting looks a lot like ME. Even if I never thought that I looked a lot like Attachment Parenting.

So what does that mean when I'm on the brink of sending my VERY attached son to preschool?

Well, for starters...it's only two mornings a week. And just like I never thought that I'd be hippy-crunchy attachment parenting mama, I never thought that I'd be blessed with an extremely outgoing, super social child. My son loves a social atmosphere. Of course, I'll still be creating endless adventures for us when we're together. We'll do playgroups together, and music class, and gymnastics. We'll build blanket forts in the living room and learn about measurements by pouring water all over the deck outside. But my sweet, attached little boy? He needs more than me now. He needs 11 other two year olds, and the chance to learn things from them (like how to drink from a cup, and how to not get your toys stolen...and hopefully not things like how to bite and push). He needs to learn that other grown-ups can keep you safe too. They might not be as wonderful as your Mommy and Daddy, but are special in their own way. They can care about you and treat you well, and you can have grand adventures with them too.

So really, what is the goal of attachment parenting? If you do it well, and you do it right, then isn't the goal for your child to be able to go out into the world....and do well WITHOUT YOU? Isn't attachment parenting truly about letting your child fly? If I've done right by Max, then he will meet new friends and know how to be kind. If we've succeeded, then he will be a good citizen of the world.

This morning, as I sit by myself in the parent's lounge at Max's preschool, I am imagining what he must be doing in his classroom. When I said goodbye to him, he was so busy "cooking" in the play kitchen that he didn't even look up. I gave him a hug, and he squirmed away because he saw that the rice tray was hiding under it's cover and he wanted to explore. I'm hopeful that any tears that come later, when he realizes that I'm gone, will fade quickly as he draws on the strength that attachment parenting has given him, and delights in the task of coloring at the art table, or pounding playdough into "pizza".

As for me? My tears came fast and furious as I stood in the courtyard outside of his classroom. I'm supposed to LEAVE him here? Well shit....who's to say he won't try to sneak out? Don't LOSE him! And when he's thirsty he calls it "Wah" and you need to make sure that he stays hydrated. And don't forget his sunscreen! And he didn't really eat breakfast, so make sure he eats his snack. And hold his hand on the stairs of the jungle gym, because it's really high up! And....

This mama chick will be just a phone call away, waiting to hear how my baby chick pecked the hell out of that shell, and how he's doing just.....fine.