Monday, March 30, 2009

Movin' and Shakin'

Max experienced his very first EARTHQUAKE today! I was sitting at my desk this morning around 10:40, and suddenly my chair started shaking. And then the walls made a funny vibrating noise. And then as soon as it had started, it was over. I called one of my co-workers, who asked if my "butt was shakin' in my chair" like hers was. Not just my butt, but my BELLY! I've got three pounds two ounces of kid in there that didn't exactly take well to my heart rate jumping sky high for about 5 seconds!

Welcome to California Max! And to your first 4.3 shaker!

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Sunday Morning

Now that Max's kicks are super strong, Sean can easily feel Max moving around when he puts his hand on my belly. I don't even have to say anything and Sean says "Felt that...and that. And that." Not only does Max kick (and maybe punch?), but now we can feel him roooollllllll....and this morning he had a long string of hiccups. Or maybe he was just dancing and had perfect rhythm?

Rylee is starting to process that things are changing. We can only imagine what her brain is thinking right now..... "You said we're going to live WHERE? And what's this about a BABY?"

This morning we caught her having a heart to heart with Moses. "Dear God, please don't let them kick me out of the bedroom. God, if you let me stay in there when the baby comes, I promise I'll be less stinky and I won't bother anyone. Amen."

Friday, March 27, 2009

Max's New Ride

Introducing the Silver Bullet! We realized that in order to truly be good parents, we needed a car that would actually fit a car seat. Max probably couldn't ride in his Dad's slick Z4 until he was oh, about 10 years old....and my car was at the end of it's we gave in and bought (well, leased) an SUV. Yes, we are one step away from owning a Mom Van. But for now, it's still one HUGE step away.
This is our new Acura RDX, complete with all of the important features. Like a nav system that will help me to find Kerry, Kerrin and Jenny when we meet for lunch. And a built in blue-tooth phone system that you can dial by using your voice. For when I need to call Susie and tell her that Max and I are almost to Starbucks so can she grab a table if she gets there first? Oh, and it has a great safety rating, and built in thingies for Max's car seat, and an XM radio system and 6 disc changer.....I mean, it has child safety locks and great airbags. And apparently it's a Turbo. Which means nothing to me. I just like that the interior is black, and that there's lots of little spaces to hold my stuff. Look for us driving through your town soon!

30 Weeks and 31 Years Old!

The past few days have been a pretty crazy whirlwind. Here's a quick recap:

Tuesday: (Almost) 30 week doctor's appointment. Max's heartbeat sounds great. My blood pressure is nice and low. BUT I'm still measuring at 28, just like 2 weeks ago. Doctor isn't concerned. I'm concerned. Why? Because I read too much on the internet. Doctor suggests that we go for a Growth Ultrasound to give me peace of mind. "Why? Because I'm worried about it, or because YOU'RE worried about it?" I ask. Doctor literally ROLLS HIS EYES at me and says "I'M not worried."

Birthday Celebration. My incredible husband bought us tickets to go see Wicked. We had a great dinner right around the corner from the theatre, walked over to the theatre and was the wrong theatre. Flew down Market St. to the RIGHT theatre, where my amazing husband found an awesome parking spot and managed to get us in our seats with 10 seconds to curtain.

Thursday: Went for Growth Ultrasound. Max looks great, but was curled up nice and tight in there so we didn't get too many pictures. His heart looked strong and good, his measurements were perfect, my fluid levels were fine. He's a whopping 3 pounds 2 ounces, and in the 47th percentile for growth. Hero Ultrasound Doc (my friends see him too....he's fabulous, and I love him more than my regular doctor) reminded us that the tape measure that the doctor uses isn't always an accurate measurement, and that some women just "hide" their babies a little.

Friday: Woke up this morning feeling like crap. Super sore throat, but figured it was just from teaching a 2 1/2 hour workshop until 10 last night. Spent about 15 minutes in bed with Sean's hand on my belly, where he felt EVERY amazingly strong kick that Max gave, over and over and over. It was absolutely incredible!

Started to get ready for work and realized that I couldn't see the TV, even with my contacts in. Tried glasses. Same problem. Vision was clouded with what I can only describe as "rays of light" like I used to get before a migraine. No biggie, right? But then one flicker of light became two, and two became four, and soon I was sitting on the couch upstairs and could only see clearly through a tiny little tunnel of eyesight. Sean was next to me and I couldn't see him in my peripheral vision. Called the OB who already thinks I'm a hypochondriac and let the nurse know that my vision was blurry. Asked her if I should run by my regular doctor's office (5 blocks away) to get my blood pressure checked. "You need to go to the hospital" she said. "The WHAT? Why?" "Any time you have vision changes in pregnancy, you need to get checked out right away. You should head over to Labor and Delivery so that they can check you out". We had never researched any hospitals in the City. So at 9 am we drove to CPMC, walked in to the emergency room feeling ridiculous, and had them check me out. Blood pressure was normal. Vision got better. ER doc said that it was probably migraine related brought on by the hormone changes from my pregnancy. Left the hospital with strict orders to go home and rest. That wasn't hard to do when the headache started. Woke up to the funeral for the OPD officers on TV. Watched the whole thing. Cried my eyes out.

Oh, and we got news about our upcoming, ummm....transition. Transition was slated to happen by the end of April. Surprise! Not an option until, least mid-May. Max's new digs just won't be ready until then. But Max's old digs ummmm.....expire......the end of April.

Spent some time researching temporary housing, hotels, and storage facilities. Sean had a few drinks. We had some good laughs about the possibility of sharing a hotel suite with Rylee for three weeks. One 7.5 month pregnant woman and a husband drunk on bourbon decided that we needed a chinese food binge. We ordered so much food that the lady asked if we needed 4 sets of chopsticks.

Here's a picture of our night. ALL of the chinese food. And my hospital bracelets. Why? Why not. When Sean hugged me and rubbed my belly to say hello to Max, I told him that there was no one I would rather be stuck in a hotel room with for three weeks. I am so lucky to have the funniest, most kind-hearted, responsible, caring, loving partner in the world. Not to mention, he believes in the philosophy that a good order of chinese food and catching up on TIVO shows can heal anything. Goodnight folks. Tomorrow is a new day.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Hospital Planning

We were out to dinner the other night, when Sean shared this:

"So I was talking to my sister today, and she had this great idea. She suggested that we bring home one of the blankets that Max is wrapped in while he's in the hospital, so that Rylee can get used to his scent".

"That's a great idea" I said. "I've heard about how that can really help dogs get accustomed to having a baby around".

"Yeah, so when you and Max are still at the hospital and I go home to feed Rylee and sleep at night, I can bring the blanket with me".

I just stared at him.

"When you WHAT?"

"When I go....home.......?"

Chime in here any time people! OF COURSE this resulted in a LONG discussion that I only remained half-way calm for because my kind sweet considerate husband had apparently suffered from a momentary lapse in judgment because he had not had the opportunity to attend a labor and delivery class yet where he would have learned that HE HAS TO STAY WITH ME AND THE BABY IN THE HOSPITAL GOD DAMMNIT! Which resulted in the "I could be in labor for 4 days straight Sean and then have a C-section and then have to stay there for three more days and god forbid Max needs to have some tests or be taken care of in the hospital for a bit and my water could break at 3 in the morning for all we know...this is not a 9-5 experience! And even if I have a NORMAL delivery you are staying with me the ENTIRE time because you are my team and you HAVE to!"

"But where will I sleep?"

"They have BEDS there for these things. Cots for dads. And you won't be comfortable, but I won't be comfortable either, so you will SUFFER along with me."

"What about Rylee?"

"What ABOUT Rylee? We will have a plan for her. We will make a plan so that someone will take care of her, because it is a VERY real possibility that I could go into labor in the middle of the NIGHT and if you are running home to check on her while I'm delivering this baby I WILL DIVORCE YOU."

Boys mean well. They really do. There are just some very important things that they don't know. Why? Because they haven't needed to know. Until now. They haven't watched 30,000 episodes of A Baby Story. They don't have Deliver Me set up on Tivo. They have not read all of Ina May Gaskin's childbirth books. And they sure as hell haven't been stressing for 9 months about what kind of outfit to bring for each stage of labor at the hospital. Ladies, I know I am not the only one who has thought about having one of those cute hospital gown-style nighties for the early part, then one that can get all sorts of nastiness on it for the delivery, then a pretty clean one for nursing and our "baby" pictures. OK....maybe I am the only one. But still, deciding what kind of chapstick to bring in my overnight bag and what kind of fuzzy (but non-sliding) socks to have does weigh on my mind every once in a while.

SO for all of you recently-annointed mamas out there....what were the main points of YOUR "Oh my god I'm going into labor" plan??

Monday, March 23, 2009

Parking Queen

I am losing my mind. The other day, I drove home and parked my car on our street. The same street that we have lived on for two years. I found a great spot right across from our house. For a brief second, I thought to myself "There's much more room on this side than I remember". Then I got my bags out of the car, walked through our gate, closed the gate, and put the key in the door. But something wasn't right.

I walked back outside to take a look at the car. I noticed that my view of the neighbor's garage was blocked. That's unusual. And then I realized......I was COMPLETELY blocking their driveway. That was not a parking space. In the last two years, that has never been a parking space. I put my bags back in the car, and moved to an entirely different part of the street. While praying that none of our neighbors had witnessed this most embarassing show of "pregnancy brain".

A few minutes later, Sean came out to meet me, when he couldn't figure out why he had heard the gate slam, the key in the lock, then the gate slam again and my car start up. Don't ask why. Just roll with it.

Indulge Me For A Minute

As many of you know, I used to work for the Oakland Police Department. My time there was marked by some amazing highs, and some frustrating lows. Some day I plan to write a book about what life is really like for a civilian woman working in one of the busiest Special Victim's Units in urban America. While there, I worked with some amazing men and women, and experienced some of the most incredibly rewarding moments of my career. I also saw what really happens in one of the most violent communities in the country.

I'm sure by now you have all heard the news reports about what happened in Oakland this past weekend. Four brave police officers were murdered by a parolee with an outstanding warrant and access to assault weapons.

Every officer's shift starts out the same. They go down to the basement for line-up, where they get the daily news bulletin, learn about what has gone on during the previous shift, and gather to get any new assignments and warrant information. The basement teems with expectation, camraderie, adrenaline, and solemn reflection. I have been a part of these line-ups on days and nights when I would go on ride-alongs or present a workshop to the officers. It was an amazing privilege to be a part of this world. No matter how many times I sat in that basement, I was always moved by the way that they would close their meetings. "Be safe out there" the Lt. would say. Every single night. And everyone would get up, shuffle their things together, and hit the streets.

Two of my close friends are law enforcement officers. I think of how they risk their lives every day to keep us safe. How we take for granted that they will come home each night. One of them is on the SWAT team in the town neighboring Oakland, and could very easily have been in a house like the Oakland officers were this weekend.

The officers that died were someone's father, someone's best friend, someone's son, someone's field training officer, someone's hero.

So why am I writing about this on Max's blog? For a few reasons:

1) It is up to us to teach our children about why police officers are the backbone of our communities. I remember being very small, and hearing from the other kids at school that cops were called "pigs". I practiced that word while my mom was driving us somewhere, and I will never forget being on the bridge over the bay, and my mom responding sharply that "We do NOT say that word in our family". As parents, it is our responsibility to make sure that we raise kids who respect the police. Children who know that they can rely on law enforcement to keep them safe. I could talk for days about what led this convicted felon to kill 4 cops, but doesn't it all come back to parenting? Yes, of course I know about the broken parole system and the jails that don't rehabilitate. I've worked in the archaic social services system. I know that welfare doesn't raise children. I'm aware of the problems with race and class and gang warfare. BUT.....doesn't it REALLY all boil down to how we parent our children? Food for thought.

2) Thank your cops. Model your gratitude in front of your children. Cops often laugh that fire fighters get all the glory, because when fire fighters show up they're saving the day. Cops only show up when someone is in trouble. Buy the cup of coffee for the cop behind you in line. Say thank you when you pass a cop on the street. Bring Girl Scout Cookies to the patrol station in your neighborhood. Point out to your kids when you pass a cop who is helping someone on the side of the road. Remind them that cops take care of us, by taking care of them. Max will grow up knowing that there are people in his life who love him, who risk their lives every day to keep our communities safe.

Please keep OPD in your thoughts and prayers this week. I will be saying a silent thank you to the wives and children that they left behind. Their husbands, their fathers, aren't the only ones who have been brave and strong. For these families to send their loved ones out into the night, to keep OUR families safe, is a courage that many of us will never know.

Be safe out there.


Now that I'm another year older, it's time to renew my driver's license.

Here's how the conversation went at the DMV today, circa 8:10 am.

"Any changes to your information?"
"Height and weight the same?"
(Raised eyebrow, glance towards my pregnant belly) "No change in weight?"

Seriously DMV guy? Of course I have gained weight! I am SEVEN MONTHS PREGNANT! But what woman in their right mind would choose to have that TEMPORARY (I hope!) weight gain emblazoned on their driver's license forever!? That is just NOT FAIR.

As I was walking out, some strange man said to me "You're having a boy, aren't you?" and winked. It gave me a good laugh. Then later on today, the woman making my deli sandwich said "It's a boy, isn't it?" This time I smiled and asked her why she said that. "Because you're carrying out front. You're only bigger in your belly. Women who carry girls get big all over, and women who carry boys only show in front." God bless you deli lady. You make the world's best turkey, cranberry, havarti sandwich. Can I hug you after you give me my side of broccoli salad??

Saturday, March 21, 2009


I've read about how babies can get hiccups in your belly, but hadn't experienced it until last night! Or should I say, somewhere between 3 and 4 am? It was pretty funny, but it worried me a little. I wanted to help him in some way. you need to drink water with your head upside down? A spoonful of peanut butter? Should we scare you into having them go away? I guess there's no tricks for baby hiccups. Then, in my sleepy state, I started thinking "Maybe it's not hiccups. Maybe he's knocking, saying he wants to get out!"

Thursday, March 19, 2009


I had an awakening today....a total mind shift followed by pure happiness. You can call it a pregnancy mood swing, but I choose to call it the onset of SPRING HAPPINESS!

It was a gorgeous day today, and even though the temperature outside barely nudged 70, it was sunny and beautiful and sure felt hot to pregnant old me!

It was such a nice day, that I decided I was done with wearing dark colors. No more black skirt/black tank/black sweater combinations for me. So I dressed Max's condo in some pretty light blue, put on the first pair of open-toed shoes I've worn since last summer, and holy crap....I felt like a NEW person! I even treated myself to a cold drink at Starbucks, and soaked in the sunshine on the way back to work. While I was walking, I couldn't help but think that the gorgeous weather just means that we are one step April, when we will have some wonderful NEW things; to May, when I will be off work and able to relax and enjoy the down time before our lives change; and to June, when Max will arrive and we can sit with him at the park by our house, sprawled on a blanket and enjoying the warm wind and fresh air together. There are so many things to be excited about.....and I spent some time today daydreaming about seeing my family in April for my baby shower, having my "Roomie" close by to enjoy the basic day-to-day routines of life with (bbq's with the "dads", First Wednesdays without the booze, mani/pedis and gossip.....just like old times!). I imagined getting in our new car, just Max and I, and driving up to visit Jenny, Kerrin, and Kerry and not having to rush back to beat the end of our lunch hour. In my head I can see Max's nursery taking shape, and where everything will belong. I can see Sean as the amazing dad that I have always known he'll be, teaching Max about the world through laughter and lots of cuddles and hugs.
There was a lightness inside of me today, that I hadn't seen in a long time. My "bump" was big and bright, not hidden by black and layered under a jacket. The waiter at dinner tonight put his arm around me, took one look at my belly, and asked if I wanted a "Tropical Spritzer". Until now, my bump had been pretty hidden, and most waiters would ask if I had seen the cocktail menu. I feel very pregnant today. I am so thrilled to be Max's mom. I am so ready for the next steps of our lives.

Even Rylee is getting in on all of this joy. She gets to celebrate the end of her treatment tomorrow! Friday marks the last day of her journey to Davis and back, and we are so thrilled at how well she has done with her treatments. The vets at Davis have become wonderful friends to Rylee, and always look forward to seeing her and Sean walk through the door every morning. Here is Rylee with my 29 week belly....she didn't want to get too close! You can see her IV bandage on her paw....she has been such an amazing trooper, and we have been incredibly blessed to have the chance to watch her heal and become her "old self" again. We love it when she barks at the doorbell now, or runs through the house. She can go up and down the stairs by herself again, can eat and drink without help now, and has been sleeping through the night much more. She can probably teach Max a thing or two when he gets here!
So here's to new beginnings, 29 weeks, and the start of Spring! May all of you find your own bits of sunshine today!

Quick Note

This was not the blog post that I was meaning to write tonight, but as I've been sitting here uploading pictures for the blog and feeling Max kick, I looked down and......

I can see my belly bouncing just the tiniest bit when Max kicks!!!! Sean is sleeping, and the house is quiet, but I am awestruck by the first little glimpse of Max's movements from the outside looking in.....

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

It's Gettin' HOT In Here!

For those of you who know the song....please feel free to sing along!

I am in my third trimester, and I am BOILING hot! I'm usually the one who sneaks out to the living room at night to turn the thermostat UP when Sean isn't looking. I love scarves and warm coats and curling up under a blanket to watch TV. But not anymore! Not since I've started sharing my body with a couple pounds of toasty warm baby!

Now I have to dress in layers when I go to work, because by 10 am I've stripped off my jacket, my scarf, and my cardigan...and I'm down to bare arms and a tank top because I'm a million degrees. Tonight when I came home from work I turned OFF the heater, threw open the windows and announced "I am finally going to save us SO much money on our heating bill!"

Well, until we hit those 100 degree summer days......oh well!

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Registry Madness

Ok all you moms and baby gurus.....get your typing fingers ready!

This weekend, Sean and I (with my mom on the phone and on the computer) started to tackle the enormous challenge of registering for baby stuff. What a daunting process! At least when you register for a wedding you know what each thing is used for! (Although we didn't register for household stuff and even if we had I personally wouldn't have known how to use it, but still....). One can figure out what a crock pot is for. But how the hell does a Diaper Genie II work?? And yes, it is incredibly exciting to register for tiny swaddling blankets and fun toys that make music. But deciding on what pacifiers will not cause our child to need braces, or what bottles are BPA free, or whether or not we'll need an infant car seat that goes to 22 or 30 pounds??! Thank goodness my mom had done an extraordinary amount of research for us. And Sean was incredible about taking a category and learning everything there was to know about it, and then adding it to the list. I was at one end of the living room on a laptop with my mom on the phone, researching baby bathtubs, and Sean was at the other end with Baby Bargains (thanks Kerrin!), Consumer Reports, and his own laptop researching baby monitors. He'd yell out "Done! What's next? carriers....on it!" and so on and so forth. We were a pretty good team, the three of us! And then there's the anecdotal research. Jenny liked the Peanut Shell sling for her little girl, so that should go on the list. Mom's friend's son loved the Gymini playmat so that made the list.

So.....chime in here people! What baby product could you NOT live without? What did you get from friends unexpectedly that ended up being a life saver? What was a total marketing ploy that you took back and never used? It takes a village ladies....and we need your valuable input! The comment button is below......

Friday, March 13, 2009

Welcome to My Third Trimester!

What makes this trimester different than all of the rest???

1. We're that much closer to meeting Max! It's becoming easier/less scary/way more real to daydream about what he will be like and how our lives will change when he arrives. Sean asked today what color I thought Max's eyes will be. Will he have the blonde hair that I had when I was little? Will he be too small for his infant carrier, or too big for his 'newborn' size clothes?

2. My belly seems to be growing and growing and growing every day. Some of the shirts that were "baggy and flowy" when I wasn't pregnant, are now completely out of the rotation.

3. 'Pregnancy Brain' continues. On Friday, I came in to work to find a nice note from Accounting, gently inquiring about the expense sheet I had turned in. "Dear Kim, Did you have any expenses on 2/3? And do you by chance have the receipts for these expenses?" Apparently I had turned in an entire expense sheet with dates and the names of expenses, with NO dollar amounts and NO receipts. Thank goodness our Accounting Lady knew all about pregnancy brain and could have a good laugh with me. What's even funnier, is that my boss SIGNED the sheet :) I've also managed to walk out of the house leaving the ONE light on that I always yell at Sean to turn off. I've even forgotten entire steps while showering. I've only been going through the same wash hair/wash body/condition hair/shave legs/wash face process for how many years? And now I manage to walk out of the shower completely forgetting the "wash body" stage? Or conditioning my hair twice? I feel a bit like an amnesia patient who needs to make lists so that I don't forget what comes next!

4. Leg Cramps. Two and a half pounds of baby Max pushing on all of my insides and blood vessels and such....means that my body does not feel the same.

5. But on a happier note....we are starting to do so much planning for Max's nursery! We're leaning towards a chocolate brown crib and furniture, but with lots of bright white and blue accents. Maybe one light blue wall? Maybe some pops of color, with oranges or greens? We can almost picture what it will be like to rock him in the glider (and we know what corner it will fit in!) and where his little tiny clothes will hang in the closet. We're imagining where we'll take him in his stroller, and how he'll nestle in to his new car seat.

The big countdown begins!

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Somebody's Mom

Driving home from work tonight I was singing along to the radio....loudly. An OLD SCHOOL song from back in the day with my Roomie came on, and I started laughing at myself when I was belting out all of the words to "Ain't No Fun (If the Homies can't haaaaave none!)", including the ones that the radio station bleeped out.

And I'm going to be somebody's MOM????

How did Susie and I go from having "Ain't No Fun" and "Roll Out" on the constant mix tape rotation, getting ready to go out dancing with the girls, stopping at Costco the next morning to get our pictures developed and grabbing a bagel and a caramel frappy on the way (because calories don't matter when you're in your early 20's) to......being seven months pregnant and about ready to PARENT someone??! We've gone from staying up all night talking about boys and commitment and what happens next, to fighting to stay awake until American Idol is over because we have 2+ pounds of growing baby in our bellies. We're going to be somebody's MOM. And I bet our little guys will have a love of Starbucks mornings and fun music in the car, communicating with each other in their secret baby language, while their moms chat just like old times.

In Conversation....

I'm propped up on the bed, and Sean is lying next to me. My uterus starts to tighten up, so I have him put his hand on my belly.

Kim: Do you feel that?

Sean:'s really hard over here on one side, but not on the other. Like your uterus is lopsided.

Kim: Maybe that's the baby over on this side? Or maybe it's Braxton-Hicks contractions? Wait....with Braxton-Hicks your entire uterus contracts, right? So it must be the baby if I'm only feeling it on one side? Right??

Sean: Why are you asking ME? How the f*** would I know what a contraction feels like???

Get LOW!

Good News!!!! I passed my glucose test!!!! Yippeeee!!!! Gina at Dr. Nunes' office said that I had a 124, which is great. You have to be below the 130-139 range to not have to take the second test....the actual numbers for someone HAVING gestational diabetes is something way higher than 140. Someone else I know beat me by two points (with a 122)....good to know we're both "normal" Roomie....whatever that means!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think I'll go celebrate with a Reese's peanut butter cup :)

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Nursery Ideas

Ok...obviously this is just to give you an idea....because our wall would say Max, and not Emily....but I saw this nursery even before I was pregnant, and loved the idea of having the little garden pails above the changing table, to hold all of the important odds and ends. Plus, the little chalk board signs that are in the pails are so cute! We will definitely be copying this in some way for Max's nursery!

28 Week Appointment

Well...I'm really only 27 weeks and 4 days, but close enough!

Fascinating facts from today's appointment:

1) I am now measuring at 28. Still don't know if this is cm, mm, inches...who the hell knows?

2) Doctor says I should stop working at least a month before my due date. This is very sad. Very. Sad. :)

3) Chamomile tea is ok.

4) The pressure I've been feeling on my nether regions is normal.

5) Baby kicking my bladder is normal.

6) My placenta is anterior. Meaning it's on the part of my uterus that's facing the front of my tummy. Totally normal, but could be why it's easier to feel Max kick lower, but harder to feel him kick the front of my belly.

7) 50% of people fail the first glucose test, and they should have my results in a few days. Great. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

8) Max's heartbeat is 160. Doctor found his heartbeat up higher than I usually find it with my at-home doppler. Doctor gave me the "you're crazy" look when I told him that, followed by "it's probably not his heartbeat that you're hearing then". Hah hah!

And one more fascinating the picture (above) I am standing in a VERY special, VERY exciting spot....which I can not reveal here on the blog, but most of you know all about. Here's a hint: Today was a wonderful day for new beginnings and moving forward on our journey towards being a family of three (plus Rylee!)

Monday, March 9, 2009


What do you call 50 grams of pure glucose in a tiny bottle when a pregnant woman has to drink it? Glu-Cola. I kid you not. Some sicko must have decided that because it tastes somewhat like old, flat soda....that they'd call it Glu-Cola and fewer pregnant women would barf it up because it sounded like something you could order at a diner? Not so much.
Today was the big Glucose Screening Test....or The Glucose Challenge, as some doctors call it. Again, enough with the "making it sound better than it is". This is not Road Rules. The only "challenge" here is that you have to fast for 12 hours, drink a bottle of Glu-Crap in less than 5 minutes, sit in the uncomfortable chairs in the lab waiting room for an hour (with all of the teenagers getting their drug tests), and then have a lab tech quickly search for your vein after exactly 60 minutes. The point of all of this fun is to see how your body responds to sugar, so that they can screen you for Gestational Diabetes. If you fail the test, you then have to go back and have another test, where you have to drink three times as much Glu-Crap and have your blood tested 4-6 times over four hours. Pure Sadism.

Scottie was my moral support today, and was going to drive me to the test and wait with me. My doctor had given me my very own bottle of flourescent orange Glu-Crap at my last appointment. He said "Drink it at home. Drive directly to the lab. Tell them you're there for your Glucose Test. This way, you won't have to wait for an hour there". Fantastic! Except every new or pregnant mom that I talked to said "Hmmm....I had to drink it at the lab".

So I called the lab before I drank the magic potion. I was feeling a little like Alice in Wonderland. Here's what they told me: "Your doctor said what??!! No, you can't drink it at home. You have to drink it here. It's illegal for him to give it to you!" Illegal? My "don't dye your hair, don't even breathe the smell of soft cheeses, don't gain a single pound beyond the recommended guideline" conservative misogynist OB almost had me do something illegal???? This will be GREAT fun to tell him tomorrow! Apparently, they do things a little differently in P-Town. In the City, they make you come in to drink the whole damn thing so that they can WATCH YOU, and even better, because they said "We don't want you out and about with this much sugar in your's DANGEROUS." No crap, lady! But I bet the street value of the orange-flavored Glu-Crap that's still in my fridge could buy me a new pair of shoes!

So here I am drinking the Glu-Crap IN the lab. The flavor of the day was lemon-lime, chilled, and clear.....which made it a little easier to drink. But not much. Because I had to down the whole thing in 5 minutes, and the lady was adamant that I get every last drop. Delish. Immediately I could feel Max doing cartwheels in my sugar rush!! "Hey Mom, what the F?! You pig out on a combination plate Mexican platter last night, then no food for 12 hours, and now you're drinking 10 Slurpees worth of sugar??! This is psychedelic man!!!"

Here Scottie and I are taking self portraits in the waiting room. Why? Because we had sixty whole minutes to sit there and wait for the glucose to intoxicate me, and watching the Pac Heights teens whose dads had ordered them to undergo drug testing was getting old. Finally, it was my turn to have my blood drawn. I have never in my life been so excited to have a needle stuck in my arm. But first I had to give them my disclaimer.
"I have to lie down, because I might pass out." Oh wait, can I lie down flat since I'm 27 weeks pregnant and I'm not supposed to lie on my back? Damn! Oh well.
"You need to use a butterfly needle because my veins are small and they usually collapse and people have a hard time drawing my blood. You may need to draw from the top of my hand". To which the lady, like EVERY SINGLE LAB TECH EVER puffs out her chest and says "Nah. I'll be fine. I'm good at this." Uh-huh. Trust me lady.
I get on the table, and she ties off the tourniquet. She hits my arm a few times. Rubs it. Hits it again. Looks harder. Guess what? No veins she can use!!! Sheepishly, she says...."Let's try the top of your hand". You think?! And then, not sure why, she says "This is gonna hurt, so take a deep breath". What??!
Two vials later, and Scottie and I are saying Peace Out. We high-tailed it to the nearest restaurant, because I was starving.....and I tried not to pass out while we waited for our food. Then it was off to work, where I realized that the sugar high was preventing me from stringing sentences together. By 4 pm I was crashing from the sugar rush, and ready to do a nose-dive into my desk. I guess that's what happens when you drink 10 Slurpees worth of sugar in 5 minutes. We'll know in a few days what the results were. If I could take back the enchilada/taco/rice/beans/guacomole/horchata that I had the night before and start over by fasting for the entire weekend, I would. Apparently many women fail the first test and have to do the sadistic second test, but from there, only 2-3% are actually found to have Gestational Diabetes. And it doesn't run in my family. I am praying to every god that exists that I do not fail this test. There will be no more Glu-Crap in my future. Plus, I only have two hands. Where on earth will they draw blood from 4-6 times???!

Uncle Scott!

Soon-to-be Uncle Scott visited us this weekend, and got a taste of what our crazy domestic bliss looks like. Let me tell you, we are hard-core partiers!

We did have a great time hanging out, showing Scott the city, and having him participate in all of our "pregnancy fun". Like having sushi for dinner, and then driving immediately to the burger joint because I HAD to have a root beer float with soft serve ice cream. Except they didn't have soft serve. So I got a churro. Which didn't satisfy my craving, so Scott ate most of it. And then we went home and made root beer floats with what we had in the freezer.

There are so many wonderful things about my little bro....I can't wait for Max to meet him! Here are just a few of the many things that Scott can contribute to Max's life:

1) Teach Max how to surf. Yes I am afraid of this because I hate the ocean. However, Scott has literally grown up in the water and surfed all over the world. I just won't be there when he teaches Max. Especially after that one time, when I told Scott that he could get eaten by sharks while surfing, and Scott said "That's not a bad thing. I wouldn't mind going that way. I mean, I am in their territory, it's only natural." Just to push my buttons.

2) Teach Max all sorts of jokes. Especially the "Hand me my brown pants" pirate joke that he taught Katie when she was little. Scott would set the joke up and Katie (at 5) would tell the punch line. They would both do the pirate voices and I would cry I was laughing so hard.

3) Babysit. He's moving to SF for Grad School, and we are more than happy to swap food, laundry, and other things for free (trustworthy!) baby sitting.

4) Give moral support. Scott's great at listening, looking at things in different ways, and reminding me of what's important in life. Plus, he's worked with kids for years....and can definitely change a diaper or wipe up puke. Yay!

5) Art. I can't draw, paint, or color inside of the lines. But Scott sure can. I have zero artistic talent. Scott can help Max to sculpt from Play-Doh, instead of eating it.

6) Height. We're hoping that whatever recessive gene gave my little brother his six feet one inch frame will somehow find it's way onto Max's DNA, even though it skipped over me completely.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

How On Earth??

There are a few things that I'm starting to have trouble with...for instance, HOW DO I:

1. Wash my face at the sink when I can't bend over any more? There is water ALL over the bathroom when I finish.

2. Shave my legs?? Ok...this isn't completely impossible yet (and thank god it isn't summer skirt weather), but that day will come...and on that day, perhaps I will have a new shower with a little ledge or a place to sit :)

3. Sleep through the night? Between the waking up to pee, and the maneuvering the "body pillow" as I toss and turn, I'm surprised that Sean hasn't spent more nights in the living room. Add to this the fact that I am incredibly parched ALL THE TIME, and my nights go like this: get arranged next to the body pillow, get all the covers on top of me AND the body pillow without stretching my body in ways it doesn't stretch anymore, close my eyes, try to make my breathing go back to normal, feel the baby kick, realize I have to pee, get up, stumble to the bathroom and trip over Rylee because I have no sense of balance any more, pee, realize I HAVE TO have a drink of water, gulp down some water, go back to bed, trip over Rylee again, get arranged next to the body pillow, get all the covers on top of get the picture, right? This happens over AND over AND over.

4. Wash the dishes? I don't do this ALL that often :) But when I do, my belly hits the sink, so I have to turn to the side, which means I can't get a good grip on the pots and pans, which means....that really I shouldn't be washing dishes to begin with, right?!

5. Get in and out of the car? Especially Sean's car. There is nothing lady-like or cute about boosting myself out of the gopher hole that is Sean's two-seater sports car.

6. Stay awake for a full day of work? Around 3:30 I realize that I just....don' And when I walked to my car after work today, I actually noticed that there were some lush green low bushes in front of the office next door and thought to myself "If I was a homeless person, I would TOTALLY sleep there." WHAT??!

7. Remember things?? I opened the kitchen cabinet tonight and then stared at it blankly. I could not for the life of me remember why I opened it. I will have a thought at work, go to find something on my computer to complete that task, and then completely forget what I was intending to do. And it's not just that I get side-tracked, it's that my mind goes 100% blank and I stare into the darkness.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009


Being pregnant means that people suddenly feel compelled to comment on your body, even if they don't know you that well.

In a single 8 hour work day, I have heard:

"'re getting so big!"
" don't look that big at all!"
"How much weight have you gained?"
"You're that far along? I would never have guessed!"
"You're only that far along?"

Opinions. Everyone has them :)

And then there's my husband. Who said this morning "I don't think your belly has grown that much in the last few weeks". Ummm...have you not looked at me recently???? But I do think that for someone who sees me every day (Sean, myself, etc.) it's much harder to tell how I'm growing, because we're getting used to it. My response to him? "Well when the doctor measured me, I was 25, and that's right where I should be". His response? "25 what?" Ummmm.....that's a good question! I can't be 25 inches (this is the uterus measurement folks), so I must be 25 centimeters????? Who knows....