Friday, May 29, 2009


Our son Max arrived on Friday May 29th at 3:20 am. He was 6 lbs 2 oz, and 19 inches long.

As you can see from the last blog post (on 5/28), I'm going back in time to share with you everything that has happened over the last few days. So here's where we left off.....
On Thursday night at 11:45 pm, I was having contractions and hooked up to the monitor in L&D the night before my scheduled C-Section when Charge Nurse Jenny sent us home. The contractions weren't progressing enough to keep me. No amount of begging from my mom, Sean, or I could convince her that I needed to stay. Her parting words were 1) Go home and eat something before midnight (due to surgery scheduled for the morning), and 2) Come back if your water breaks or your contractions get worse. She had talked to the on-call Dr at Dr. N's office, and they said I didn't need to stay. Of course they did. Oh....and Dr. N wasn't on-call anyway. Which is probably why he offered to do my C-Section that night, even if it was in jest. Nice guy, that one.
Mom, Sean and I headed home. We left our hospital bags in the car, just in case. I had half a blueberry bagel with cream cheese, and some apple juice at between horrible contractions. My mom continued to time everything on her watch. It was almost funny, because I would say "What time is it?" to let her know that the contraction was starting, and she would write it down. At one point, I asked her another question, she looked at her watch and said "it's time for a contraction"...and just like clockwork, it was. Sean went upstairs to take a shower. We continued to time my contractions, and saw them gain in intensity.....and immediately they were 6 minutes apart......5 minutes apart.....4 minutes apart....3 minutes apart. For about an hour. I was walking around the house, in so much pain that I couldn't sit still. Sat on the birthing ball to see if that felt better (our pricey Childbirth Prep class recommended that). I felt like I was being torn apart from the inside. Practiced some breathing. (Recommended by Childbirth Prep class). Didn't help. Finally ended up leaning against the wall by our fireplace and cursing. I didn't need a $200 class to teach me how to do that. Sean came back downstairs, and my mom went upstairs to take a shower. I was sitting on the couch in between contractions, got up to use the bathroom, was halfway there, and....."What is that running down my leg????" Raced to the bathroom with my knees held together as much as possible, which immediately made me feel like a three year old. And what you've seen in the movies is all too true. The minute I sat down on the toilet, my water broke like it was Niagara Falls. (Side Note: In our new house, Sean bought leave-in toilet bowl cleaners for all of our toilets. They're interacting with the chlorine in the water, or eating away the paint on the toilet pieces....or something.....but the point is that they first turn the toilet bowl water blue, then eventually it's pink/red, then when you flush and it blends together, it's green. This drives me insane. Why? Because for 9 months I have been hypervigilant about any little thing that could go wrong, and as many pregnant women do, I check to see that there isn't any blood when I go to the bathroom. Well, for the first 37 weeks at least. And then after that, you're always looking to see if your water breaks, or if this mysterious "mucous plug" comes out, and so on. Not easy to do if your toilet water is RED, or pink. So sure enough, as my water was breaking I'm thinking OH MY GOD, I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT IT JUST KEEPS COMING AND COMING.....AND COMING........and OH MY GOD, THE NURSE IS GOING TO ASK WHAT COLOR IT WAS AND I'M GOING TO HAVE TO SAY BLUE!!) Ok....side note over. But skip to the next paragraph if you're easily grossed out, because what I did notice is that my amniotic fluid was tinged with green, meaning there was meconium in it. I had heard on 'A Baby Story' that this could be bad. I've watched enough 'Deliver Me's' to know that a baby shouldn't be hanging out in there for too long with no amniotic fluid at all, so I knew we needed to book it back over to the hospital as quickly as we could.

So I opened the door of the bathroom just a CRACK, and yelled to Sean that I needed him to bring me a pad. NOTE: This is when I lost the last shred of any dignity that I had in this the moment that I was describing to my husband where to find the biggest pad available that I was storing underneath the sink upstairs. Or maybe it was when I had to attach the biggest pad available to my regular thong underwear because there was no way in hell I was taking the time to go upstairs to sort through my drawers for a better option.

Exiting the bathroom, I calmly said to Sean "Could you please go upstairs and let my mom know that we need to leave now?" Meanwhile, I'm calling L & D to let them know that I'm coming BACK, and that my water has indeed broken. TOLD YA SO.

Sean drove the three of us back to the hospital. This time, I was not a happy camper while checking in at the ER. When the lady informed us that we had to fill out the forms ALL OVER AGAIN because this was a SEPARATE visit, I told her that I was going to leak amniotic fluid all over her floor....but OK. This time they took me in a wheelchair up to L&D. Clearly, I looked like I wasn't kidding.

Charge Nurse Jenny gave a little chuckle when we showed up again. I told her that I had eaten a bagel at 12:15. Ooops. She got me settled in my tres chic hospital gown (again), hooked me up to the monitors (again) and checked me to see if my water broke (TOLD YA SO). In fact, not only had it broken, but according to her it was "grossly ruptured". I turned to Sean to let him know that meant it had broken ALOT, and not that it was "gross". Then Charge Nurse Jenny said with a smile "Even if it hadn't broken, I was going to let you stay this time anyway. But it looks like that won't be a problem!". And then she put a rolled up BATH TOWEL down there to stop the torrential flow of water. Yeah. No joke. Again.....dignity? GONE at this point.
The next hour or so was a flurry of activity. She wasn't worried about the meconium and said the baby's heart rate/activity looked great. But she said that we were going to have the C-Section as soon as possible. This 9:30 am bullshit was no longer on the calendar, and she was calling the Dr on call from Dr N's practice to give them a little wake-up call. But apparently, they have to tag team C-Sections, so she was also calling Dr N because "You're his patient". HAH. HAH. HAH.

In a nutshell (to save you the gory details and preserve a tiny sense of dignity), I will give you the very brief version of surgery prep. Catheter in my uh-huh yep it's there, IV in my arm, blood draws for cord blood donation and other surgery-related stuff, fluids in through IV, "preparing the area", signing forms about what could happen in surgery and how I could die, anesthesia info, blah blah blah. Charge Nurse Jenny and her sidekick Nurse Debbie rocked all of these procedures. Explained everything in awesome detail. Didn't make me feel stupid or like a huge wuss. Waited for contractions to pass before jacking me up with needles. And shared that Dr C was on her way to do the C-Section, but no one could reach Dr N....FIGURES.

Next thing I know, I'm in a wheelchair kissing Sean and my mom goodbye and being wheeled off to the surgery room. When I got there it was smaller than they look on TV. Super unfriendly looking and cold. Nurse Debbie had me sit on the table and lean in to her while Anesthesia Lady tried to get my Spinal in. Yes, TRIED. A few times. Nurse Debbie told me how to position my back, curve into a C, and had me literally curled up right against her as she talked me through it. It felt like someone was taking a big needle, finding the sorest muscle in my back, and poking it right through. But it felt better than contractions! And to be honest, I was so caught off guard by going into actual real-life no-shit this is not a joke LABOR that I didn't have time to be freaking out about the "what-if's" of surgery! Then Nurse Debbie told me I could take a look behind me at where the Dr's were. And there they were in the window of the scrub room getting ready, just like on Grey's Anatomy, but they were no McSteamy! And look who decided to show up to the party???? Dr. N!!!
Spinal was finally in, they layed me down, put the drape up (right by my neck...again, looks different on TV) and the Dr's walked in. No pleasantries from Dr N. No jokes. Nothing. I just remember looking at him, realizing that it was now 3 am and that he needed to shave, and almost being able to see the outline of his pillowcase where it had been smashed into his face. Dear Lord, please let this guy be awake.
And the rest of this story, the BEST of this story, is Max's grand entrance!

They brought Sean in, and he came to sit right next to me. He held my face in his hands and started talking to me, and immediately I was at ease. He kept his eyes locked with mine, spoke really softly, and absolutely carried me through those 30 minutes. Again, it was as if the world had been scripted perfectly for us, with my amazing husband knowing every last word that would calm me, every last touch that would help me to relax as the doctors brought our son into this world.
Everything went REALLY FAST. After less than 10 minutes, Dr. N said "You're going to feel some pressure", and I could feel Max move from underneath my ribs and out into the air of the operating room.
Immediately, we heard him cry. A loud, strong, amazingly beautiful sound that I will never forget as long as I live. He was HERE. He was finally, finally HERE.
They took him over to the bassinet in the room to clean him off and check him. I know that Sean asked if me if it was ok if he went with him, and I said "yes, please go with him". Sean went to stand by our son's side as the pediatrician looked him over. As quickly as he could, Sean came back over and brought Max to me.
I remember thinking that he has the sweetest face I've ever seen. He is the baby that I have waited my whole life for. He was exactly like we had dreamed him. Some of the nurses took pictures for us, and the feeling of Sean's cheek next to mine, next to Max's.....will be burned into my memory forever. Those first seconds of what it was like to be a family of three. Sean went with him to the nursery, where Max had his first bath, and they checked him out some more. He is absolutely perfect, very healthy, and had a 9/9 Apgar score!

Before I knew it, Sean and Max were with me in the recovery room. I had some pretty bad shakes during the surgery, and the meds they gave me were a little rough. But other than that, I only stayed in recovery for a brief while, and then went back to my room. Max's Baubee was able to be with us and hold her first grandbaby, and the next few hours were just a whirlwind of being together and drinking in the sweetness of our first cuddles with Max.
And just like that....Sean and I became parents.
We are blessed beyond words. We are in love with this little guy beyond any expectation. Knowing that he is the best of both of us, the perfect mix that was created by the tidal wave of love that we have for each other, is the most awe-inspiring life transformation in this world.
We are so unbelievably blessed to have our little Max. On May 29th, 2009....our world changed forever.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Be Prepared!

Hi everyone! A lot has happened in the last few days......our precious little Max is HERE in our arms, and now that we're home from the hospital I want to tell you all about the story of how he arrived. There's lots to share, so bear with me as we go back in time to last Thursday (you'll see this entry is dated Thursday 5/28, but I'm writing this part right now...on June 3rd). I'll probably write a bit more every day, until I've caught everyone up.

So here's what I was preparing to post last Thursday night at 8:20 pm.....

As Sean has been putting our entire house together, I have slowly but surely been getting the baby's room ready. Here are a few pictures of how things are looking...
Oh, and by the way.....I think I may be having contractions. I'm having pain that starts in my back and goes low in my belly. It's not up high like the doctor said it would be, but it sure hurts. They've been off and on all day, and we went to the doctor this afternoon just to be safe. According to him, my cervix isn't dilating, blood pressure is fine, and he thinks I'm just dehydrated and stressed out. He told me to go home and put my feet up, drink lots of water, and that he'd see me in the morning.
So that's what I was about to post, when suddenly the act of blogging to take my mind off the pain didn't seem to work anymore. When I woke up on Thursday, I felt TERRIBLE. I had back pain and cramps and just felt all-around shitty. I told Sean that everything felt "off", and that it was the worst pain I had felt my whole pregnancy. My stomach was upset throughout the day, and I just couldn't get comfortable. My mom was scheduled to fly in at 1:30, but for some reason, I did NOT want Sean to leave me to go get her. I didn't think that I was going to go into labor RIGHT THEN, but I was starting to feel really anxious that SOMETHING WAS DIFFERENT. Thankfully, Matt saved the day and went to pick my mom up. I went to the doctor that afternoon to pick up my lab slips for pre-op, and asked Dr. N to check me to see if anything was different (that thrilling exchange is noted above). One thing I didn't mention, was that Dr. N also threw in a condescending comment about how "If you're really anxious, we can do the C-section right now Kim. I mean, is that what you're asking me? hah hah". Then, after realizing that he had been kind of a jerk, he told me that I didn't have to go get my labs done that day if I promised to arrive for my C-Section on-time Friday morning so that they could do the pre-op labs right away. This may sound like a minor concession, but considering my needle aversion, it felt like one less thing to be afraid of.

So we went home.

Around 8 pm, I started to have more severe "cramping" through my lower back and the lower part of my abdomen. And then it got worse. When we started timing them, it looked like they were about 8 minutes, and really regular. How does your body know when 8 minutes is up??? Oh trust me, it knows down to the second. So I called Labor and Delivery, and gave them the rehearsed speech. "I'm a patient of Dr. N's, my baby is breech, I have a c-section scheduled for 9:30 am tomorrow morning, and I think I'm having contractions."

They told me to come on in.

So we went in, thinking full well that this COULD mean I was in labor, or it COULD mean I'd be right back home.

Checked in at the ER. Went through a full registration process (even though I had already pre-registered...WHY, I'm not sure?) Went up to Labor and Delivery, got hooked up to the monitors, and sure enough.....I was having contractions, because there they were on the monitor. Contractions!!!! The night before my scheduled C-Section! And let me tell you.....they hurt LIKE HELL. As in, writhe around on the bed, don't talk to me, oh my god I think I'm going to die kind of pain. I was perversely excited that they were REAL contractions, showing up on the monitor at regular intervals, and I was IN LABOR. If anything, it was keeping my mind off of my upcoming MAJOR SURGERY. At this point, Charge Nurse Jenny checked my cervix. I was 1.5 to 2 cm dilated and 75% effaced.


I asked Charge Nurse Jenny if it was possible that at my 4 pm Dr's appointment my cervix could have been "long and closed" like Dr. N said, and now suddenly I was nearing 2 cm dilated and 75% effaced. She looked at me like either I was a little bit nuts, OR Dr. N was....a little bit wrong :) We loved Charge Nurse Jenny. The next step was for me to spend some time hanging out in L&D to see if anything progressed. If it did, I would stay and have a C-Section (either early, or the next morning). If it didn't, they'd send me home to wait for tomorrow.

Home??? I was NOT going to let them send me home. At this point, my contractions were so strong that I was pretty doubled over when they hit. Sean and I walked around a bit together, stopping when contractions hit so that we could do some of the breathing techniques that we had learned. On what ended up being the last lap, I felt a TINY trickle of water run down my leg. Ummmm....Charge Nurse Jenny.....could my water be breaking???

Went back into our room, and Charge Nurse Jenny checked me. I hadn't progressed any, and it looked like I hadn't broken my water either. She called the doctor's office to let them know, and they suggested that I head home. Bastards. But at least Charge Nurse Jenny felt bad about it.

Of course they did. By this point, it was 11:30 pm the night before my scheduled C-Section. I was having regular contractions, though they were anywhere from about 6-8 minutes apart. I knew that I needed to be back at the hospital at 7:30 am the next day. Really HOME the best place for me right now? Then Charge Nurse Jenny pointed out that after midnight I wouldn't be able to eat or drink anything, so it might make sense to have a chance to be home resting and having a quick snack before my deadline. Big day ahead of me tomorrow, and so on. Loved Charge Nurse Jenny, but was really bummed to be going home. ESPECIALLY since my contractions were getting worse.

Changed out of stylin' L&D gown, back into my regular clothes, and left with the following advice from the nurse.....

"If your contractions are 3 to 5 minutes apart for an hour, or if your water breaks, then come back in immediately. And make sure to eat something before midnight".

At 11:45 pm, we headed home.......

Almost There!

Last night my romantic husband suggested that we have one last "just the two of us" date before Max arrives......and that we should go to Haps, where we had our very first date. We sat in the bar at the same table that we were at almost four years ago, and enjoyed every minute of just being together and thinking about all of the things that have happened in our lives over the past few years....and the amazing things to come.

After dinner, Susie and Matt came over for some dessert, and Matt helped Sean to put our crib together.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

The Final Countdown!

Well, it's official. Our little Max is still in the breech position! This means that his head is right up under my rib cage, and his bottom is facing the exit door. Apparently it's a comfortable position for him, but not an ideal position for delivery. And who can blame him, right? I wouldn't want to be upside down and under water for any longer than I had to be either!!

We had another doctor's appointment this afternoon to confirm that he was still breech and discuss our options, and sure enough, he was! For the record, we had a long discussion with the doctor about trying to turn him manually (not a great option, due to the location of the placenta and Max's exact positioning) and about waiting until next week to see if he'd flip on his own (doubtful, for a number of scientific reasons). We got a chance to see Max on the ultrasound screen, and his heart was beating fast and strong. He had great levels of amniotic fluid around him, and the doctor said the placenta still looked really healthy and good. With all of that information, it made sense to do the C-Section at 39 weeks. Soooo.....we now have a C-Section scheduled for 9:30 am this Friday, May 29th! There is still the potential that I could naturally go into labor prior to Friday, which would mean that we would head immediately to the hospital for a C-Section whenever my water breaks or I start having contractions. So what we know for sure, is that it's looking like Friday, with the possibility of sooner, depending on when Max decides that it's the perfect time to make his grand entrance!

Am I nervous? Yep. Am I scared out of my mind about major abdominal surgery while I'm pretty much awake? Uh-Huh. Am I terrified of what recovery from major abdominal surgery will be like. Yes, of course. Am I worried about Max's health and how he'll do? Absolutely.

But are we simply amazed and in awe of the fact that our little Max will be in our arms by Friday afternoon at the latest???!!! DEAR GOD YES!!!!!!!!!!

I keep looking at the empty baby swing and imagining him in it. This is going to be one wild and crazy ride :)

Monday, May 25, 2009

Summer Babies!

Some of my closest girlfriends are also expecting their babies this summer, and we have our very first arrival to report!

Mindy and Brian welcomed their little boy Lev just a few days ago down in San Diego, and we are so thrilled for the new mom and dad! As some of you may know, Mindy and I literally grew up together, as her mom and my mom met in playgroup when we were babies. Mindy was the one who made all of the beautiful jewelry for my wedding. Mindy met her husband on JDate about a month before I met Sean on JDate. They were engaged around the same time we were. They were married around the same time we were. And of course, they found out that they were going to have a boy who was due to arrive on......June 5th, the exact same due date that Max has!!!! Lev came a little bit early, so we're wondering if Max will continue the trend that Mindy and I have had of doing things at just about the same time!

It makes things VERY real when the Summer babies start to arrive! If all goes as planned, Max is next at bat, and then Susie and Matt's little Diego has a home game scheduled on June 17th. In the batter's box is Kerrin and Alex's little guy, who is due in August. Some other close friends of ours are right behind them.....and so it goes!

Home Sweet Home

I am the luckiest woman in the world. We are finally in our new house, and slowly but surely it is looking (and feeling) more and more like home. We are under the strangest sort of deadline. As in, do as much as you possibly can as quickly as you can, because apparently I could (potentially!) go in to labor at any minute.
Let me re-phrase....MY HUSBAND has been doing as much as he possibly can, as quickly as he possibly can, to try to beat the unknown inner timer of our little guy Max. Sean has been absolutely extraordinary. Here is what my view from the couch looks like......

Here is our kitchen....

Sean has been working soooo hard. He has assembled the Co-Sleeper, the Pack N Play, the bouncy seat, and three thousand other things. While I've been slowly doing endless loads of laundry and little (mostly stationary) projects, he has been sorting and unpacking our entire house. This morning I woke up to the sound of him putting our kitchen together (unpacking the rest of the boxes and organizing everything until each measuring cup, fork, and appliance had a perfect home). He also assembled a ton of Max's stuff, put our kitchen stools together, set up our dining room and armoire, helped me to unpack all of MY bedroom boxes, put together an organizational system in four walk-in closets, unpacked all of HIS stuff into his own closets, organized my shoes into shoe racks that he built.....and so many other things I can't even list them here!
On top of that, we realized that we needed quite a few more things for the house, since we're going from city living to having MUCH more space! We were a force to be reckoned with at Bed, Bath and Beyond yesterday, with TWO carts filled to the brim with everything from a duvet cover to new trash cans. Today we did some more damage at Target, where we bought practical things like hand soap refills and toilet cleaner......and a black and white picture of Wrigley Field for Max's room! Ran through the Container Store for some shelving supplies for Sean's office. Went to Pier 1 for some decorative accents. And now we are finally home......where I am taking a break on the couch and Sean is still running from the first floor to the second floor to the third floor....and back down again. Being nine months pregnant means that my incredible husband not only loads the car after each shopping trip and helps me IN AND OUT of the car, but then he runs the stairs at home to put each and every bag on the right floor, and then put stuff away.
I am in awe of his energy, and so unbelievably greatful for how well he has taken care of me. He is truly an amazing man, and I am even more in love with him every single day. I am so lucky, and so thankful that he is my partner in life.
Stay tuned for more pictures of how the new house is coming together. I just realized that there is more to show you from the upstairs....but alas, I am on the second floor, on the couch, and will not be getting up just to take those pictures :)

Saturday, May 23, 2009

First 24 Hours in Casa Dublin

Norma and the rest of the Toll Brothers team worked so hard to get our house ready for us. I won't go into details of our bank debacle here, but trust was HORRIBLE. We were so overjoyed (and exhausted!) when we finally got our keys on Friday!

Norma even gave us this enormous welcome basket with lots of great snacks and treats.....and even TP and paper towels for our first 24 hours "at home"!

Susie came over to join us for a pizza lunch on Saturday, and to check out our new digs.
Jason and Rick trekked out to the burbs later that day to deliver the glider for Max's room and join us for dinner. They also helped us to unpack most of our kitchen......what a HUGE help they were!!!
We are so blessed to have such amazing friends who have rallied around us to make sure that we are taken care of!

Friday, May 22, 2009

WE'RE IN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am sitting on the floor in our empty master bedroom, propped up with 4 pillows......and the only thing that we have here right now is toilet paper and an internet connection.......BUT, we are officially the owners of a brand new home!!!!

MANY more details to follow......the movers don't come until tomorrow so we have one more night in our hotel, but for now......just wanted to let everyone know that we are one step closer to a wonderful (and LONG awaited) homecoming!

Max.....PLEASE hang in there for just a few more days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, May 21, 2009

You Spin Me Right Round Baby, Right Round.....

38 week appointment today. Saw Dr. O because Dr. N was out of town.

  • BP and urine counts were fine.

  • I am 1 cm dilated, but according to Dr. O that doesn't mean anything. (Actually she said cheerfully "So you're a little ahead of schedule!" and then when I looked like I was going to cry, she said "But many women are 1 cm for weeks before they deliver!"). Except the first time she checked me she said I wasn't dilated, and then declared that Max was.....

NO LONGER IN THE HEAD-DOWN POSITION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Our little guy is officially BREECH.

WHAT????????? In fact, her exact words as she led us in to the ultrasound room to confirm were "I definitely felt something squishy, and it wasn't his head." Which left us to could she feel anything if my cervix was still closed?? Oh wait, I'm actually one cm dilated. Uh-huh. Which meant that she apparently could reach in there and feel his BUTT. Yeah, TMI for all you loyal blog readers. How do you think I feel?? the fun begins. According to Dr. O, if he was indeed head-down all this time, and just flipped recently, then there's a chance that a) he will flip back on his own or b) that the doctor can manually flip him from the outside (which apparently only has a 50-75% success rate).

Which means, that if they try to manually flip him, it is not a fun procedure. For me or for Max. First I go in to the hospital and they put an IV in. They take me to a C-Section surgery room. They give me some meds (maybe an epidural) to relax my uterus and then they put their hands on the outside of my belly and try to maneuver Max around to see if he will flip. Are you still following me here??? If he does flip, they may induce me anyway afterwards so that he doesn't have time to flip back. Or they could send me home, and hope that he doesn't wiggle back the wrong way again. And BTW, this is all done in a surgery room because it's not the safest procedure for Max and I. So they want to be ready to do an emergency C-Section if his heartrate drops, if the placenta separates from my uterine wall, or if he gets tangled up in the cord during this non-consensul gymnastic charade. FUN STUFF.

So I'm going back on Tuesday now so that they can see if he's flipped on his own and talk to us about our options. We can also opt to schedule a C-Section and not try to manually flip him. But this could also mean that if I go into labor on my own (before Tuesday, or before a scheduled C-Section....which would be at 39 weeks.....which would be.....oh fucking week.....) then I do not pass go and do not collect $200 and take my ass straight to the hospital and "tell them immediately that you are breech". So that they can do a C-section. Oh. My. Fucking. God.

Seriously DID you do a complete 180 degree turn in my belly this far along????

We ran into Sus and Matt at Babies R Us tonight (GOOD TIMES in P-Town on a Thursday night....we are a LONG way from the days of cocktails and dancing after work) and we all had a good laugh over how Max probably realized that he didn't exactly want to come out just yet, and has his feet braced at the bottom of my uterus like he's puttin' on the brakes! We can picture him thinking "You guys don't have a house for me yet, I don't have a dog anymore, life SUCKS out there. I'm not goin' ANYWHERE right now!" We don't blame you, really.

So now what? Who the hell knows! We signed our loan docs today, but the bank needs to HURRY tomorrow morning to have everything in place by noon, or else we're stuck in the hotel until Tuesday. And based on what their "hurrying" has looked like so far, I'm not holding my breath. But it would be SO WONDERFUL if it did happen. Especially because I REALLY need to pack a hospital bag now.

Ain't life just grand?? Just wait until the next blog post, when I tell you how I really feel about getting cut open in front of my husband while I'm still awake. GOOD. TIMES.

Don't worry Max, we'll figure out a way to get you out of this mess!!

Wednesday, May 20, 2009


And not for any particular don't freak out! I don't have any information that would signal that labor is happening any time soon.

But while I was waiting in the car today as Sean went into the drugstore, I suddenly FREAKED OUT. As in, OH MY GOD, WE'RE GOING TO HAVE A BABY. A BABY! A REAL BABY! AND WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO WITH HIM? HOW ARE WE GOING TO KNOW HOW TO TAKE CARE OF HIM? HE COULD ARRIVE ANY DAY, WHICH MEANS.....I'M GOING TO GO INTO LABOR! MAYBE NOT TODAY. MAYBE NOT TOMORROW. BUT AT SOME POINT....VERY....VERY....SOON. Maybe it was because Sean said "I'm taking my cell phone in, so call me if you need anything." And then I said "I didn't bring MY cell phone, so I couldn't call you anyway." And then he said "Well, here...I'll leave you mine". To which I had to reply "So that I can do what with it?? Who am I supposed to call???"

And then I started to play the "What If...." game. As in:

What If.....
  • my water breaks right here in the car? What will we do with the Chinese food we just picked up? can we watch the American Idol finale at the hospital? If I eat the Chinese food first, will they have to pump my stomach if I need a C-Section?
  • my water breaks tomorrow, and we have to sign title docs for the new house? will the nice lady at the title company bring my docs to the hospital?
  • i don't have a hospital bag ready! will I have time to put everything in one place? and where is my favorite lip balm?
Ahhhhh......anxiety mixed with Braxton-Hicks contractions and the combination sizzling platter from Golden Chopsticks. Maybe it's because:
  • This evening we learned that there is a POSSIBILITY that we MIGHT be able to sign docs on the house tomorrow, which means that we MIGHT be able to close on Friday. (Which is what they told us yesterday, about today, so we're not getting excited).
  • Sean put the stroller together. So now we have an empty stroller AND an empty carseat staring at us in the hotel room. And diapers. Only parents of babies own diapers.
  • My belly is looking very low. I have become that woman that I said I would never be, with her big pregnant belly hanging out of the bottom of her shirt. It's not like I go outside like that, but walking around the hotel room is another story. At last week's doctor's appointment they said that Max hadn't "dropped" yet. I bet you five dollars that tomorrow they tell us he has. Sean thinks I look hysterical. At this point, his "fat jokes" are really funny. Because my belly is HUGE.
  • Facebook told me that my dear friend whose baby is due the exact same day as Max.....well her baby is getting ready to make an entrance into this world in the next few days. Oh. My. Heavens.

I just have that feeling right now, people. And yes, it could very well be because we're practically homeless, our sweet puppy has passed away, and life keeps shitting on us.....but it could also mean that MAYBE something is going to happen soon. So I had to write it here. And who knows, maybe two weeks from now I'll be sitting on my new sofa in my new living room laughing at myself and my even more enormous belly for thinking that Max's arrival was right around the corner. Or maybe I won't :) But just in case I am having an accurate premonition or some kind of "mother's instinct", I wanted to show off my amazing abilities by sharing with all of you. Because you wouldn't have believed me if I had told you after the fact that I just KNEW something was about to happen. OK....enough.....tomorrow morning I'm going to have every single Jewish mother from San Diego to New Jersey calling me to see if I've willed myself into labor (just kidding moms!!!!!). I'm just saying....

Oh, and a few things that crack me up:

  • Sean is wearing his blue ViaCord bracelet that they sent us with the cord blood banking kit. It's like the yellow elastic LiveStrong bracelets, but with the Via Cord number on it. So chic. And so prepared.
  • We sang along to American Idol tonight. Loved the KISS songs and even Keith Urban and Lionel Richie.
  • Sean's gout means that he can't move his left foot and has to limp everywhere. He just asked me if his cough sounded like Pneumonia. My 7-ish pound baby pressing on my bladder and making my pelvic bones feel like they're about to crack means that I can't really move either leg very well, and have to limp everywhere. We are quite the pair. We look really funny walking down the street. Thank god we can laugh at ourselves, and that it happens often. Very often.

Quick Re-Cap

I know that this blog has been a little quiet lately, so thanks for bearing with us. We've been taking some time to try to get used to what our life is like without Rylee....and really, do you EVER get used to that??

So here's a quick re-cap of what has been going on in the last few days:

1. We're still in the hotel. Hoping (again) to be out of here this Friday or Saturday, but (as always) we still don't know for sure. I think the hotel is starting to get to know us. This is either really sad, or kind of nice, depending on how you look at it! Over the weekend they called to check on us to see if we wanted housekeeping services for the day, in case we forgot to ask. Last night at happy hour/free dinner the lady that re-stocks the food came up to me and gave me the last two chocolate chip cookies because she remembered that they ran out last week. And probably because I'm 9 months pregnant and I look really sad.

2. We went to a baby shower/bbq for Susie and Matt on Saturday, and spent some time with the Weiss/Campion clan. Pam made a beautiful quilt for baby Diego, and it had all of our pictures on it so that Diego could see everyone who loves him. It was a beautiful, warm day out, and we had a really nice time celebrating Diego's upcoming arrival!

3. My mom came up to visit and helped us to prepare some last minute things. We may not have a house, but we now have diapers, wipes, and more "emergency supplies" in case I go into labor while we're living at Home Sweet Summerfield Suites. There's something incredibly consoling and hugely helpful about having your mom there to help take care of things. My mom was an awesome trooper, and spent tons of time helping me to sort through baby clothes, organize things by size, shop for every little thing I might need, and bring some humor and support to our rough weekend. She even toughed it out in a Target with no air conditioning (yeah....WTF, right?) on a 100 degree East Bay weekend, helped me to put a plan together and turned my leftover anxiety into a great "To Do" list. Thanks Momma!

Pam Campion was also a huge help in letting us do laundry at her house, and sort through my baby shower gifts. She has made us feel so at home, and it's such a relief to know that they are cheering us on and here to help us through these crazy days.

4. Quick blood pressure check at the doctor's on Tuesday. 104/60, so that was great news. And no protein in my urine. HUGE sigh of relief.

5. Had a really nice lunch with Kerry, Kerrin, and Jenny. Heidi and Caleb were there in all of their sweet cuteness too. What a wonderful support system these girls have been, and such a "full circle" moment to watch little Heidi and Caleb babble to each other like old friends. Kerrin is expecting her little guy in August, and the "Mommy Group" continues to grow. Kerry and Jenny have given us some incredibly valuable advice, and Jenny was kind enough to let me borrow some very important "new baby essentials".

We are blessed to have a great support system in place, and day by day by day....we are slowly pushing through.


Dear Max,

I have waited a few days to write this letter to you, because it is probably one of the most painful things I've had to write. However, this journal is about our journey to you. There are parts of that journey that are silly, and parts that are scary, and parts that are uplifting. And there are parts that are horribly sad and devastating. Parts that change everything about our lives and stop us in our tracks, making us look at everything that is important to us and cling to each other so that we can slowly move forward together.

Last Friday, our dear sweet Rylee passed away. Rylee was not just our dog, but she was the center of our family. I remember when I first met your Dad, and Rylee was so protective of him! They had been inseperable, like two peas in a pod, for over 6 years. The connection that the two of them had was amazing to see, and I felt so blessed to be included in their circle over the last 3 and a half years. Watching the two of them together was one of the first things that made me realize what an amazing dad my future husband would be. He was Rylee's dad before he was your dad, and what a doting, kind, patient, fun-loving dad he has been! Watching him love her, take care of her, devote his every hour to making sure that she had what she needed.....their relationship taught me so much. I was honored to be a part of the family that they created, and as Rylee (and your Dad!) grew to trust me, I loved being Rylee's mom and helping to take care of her. I didn't grow up with dogs, but Rylee taught me everything I needed to know!

We want you to know everything about Rylee that made her so special. We so badly wanted you to meet her, and even though you didn't have a chance to know her, she had a chance to know you. She was very much a "Daddy's Girl", but from the very first few weeks that I was pregnant with you, she would come to sit by me when I was on the couch, or lay by my side of the bed at night. She was my little protector. She would finish eating her dinner and come over to where I was resting on the couch. It was like she knew that you were in my belly, growing, getting ready to enter into our family. Rylee was expecting you Max. I have no doubt in my mind that she was talking to you while you were in my belly, telling you about our family, being your friend and your protector as you grew. We dreamed of the day that we could take you both to Chrissy Fields together, with you in the baby backpack and Rylee in the red wagon. She would have shown you how to dip your toes in the water, how to run in the sand, and how to make new friends wherever you went. Rylee loved making a mess of her food and water, and you two would have been the perfect pair at meal times. But she also liked to snuggle, and we had pictured both of you lying together on the floor, curled around each other. We had so many hopes for how the two of you would make yourselves at home in our new house. We wanted Rylee to be your dog too. We wanted her to know you as you grew.

As you grow up, we will teach you about Rylee and the lessons that we learned from her. Because of Rylee, we know so much more about how to love, how to care for someone beyond the depths of what we knew we were capable of. She was our first priority, the first noise we listened for every day and the last thing we thought about when we went to bed. She taught us how to be parents Max. Of the many gifts that she gave us, one of the biggest lessons that we learned from her was how to be the kind of mom and dad that you will need.

We miss Rylee so much. We hate the quiet that we hear in her absence. We expect to see her big tongue hanging out in a warm hello when we walk in the door. We know that she is in heaven, looking down on your last few weeks in my belly, panting in your ear and whispering all of the secrets of the world to you as you prepare to join us here on the outside. We will never truly say goodbye to her, because we know that she will be with us in your every smile, walking beside your stroller in spirit, and reminding us of what it means to be a family.



Thursday, May 14, 2009

Two Of A Kind

As if today wasn't eventful enough, I threw in a quick hair cut/color appointment after our hospital adventure. Susie and I had (unknowingly) booked back-to-back appointments with our favorite stylist, so we were excited to spend some time catching up and getting primped at the same time. Here we are with our new do's.....and happy to show off what may be the last hair session before our little guys arrive!

Non-Stress Test

Disclaimer: If you haven't figured it out by now, this is my pregnancy blog. Sometimes you may read it and think "Whoah.....TMI!". Other times you may think "Yikes, does Kim really swear this much in real life?" Or perhaps, "THIS is the Kim I know!" Either way, just a heads-up that this may be a TMI post for some of you....

My 37 week appointment this morning was a bit of a wild ride. My payback for laughing at the "pee cups" for weeks on end, was that today when I peed in one, the protein count in my urine came back high. Well, slightly high. But then my blood pressure reading was also slightly high. What that means, is that I COULD have been at risk for toxemia or pre-eclampsia. Essentially, that means that my blood pressure could go so high that I would need to deliver the baby right away. This can definitely happen to women in their last month or so, and often without any warning. It's pretty serious business.

So my doctor checked me out, and decided that it wouldn't hurt for me to go over to the hospital for a few more tests. At the same time, he said that he was pretty sure that I did NOT have pre-eclampsia. And when Sean asked how sure he was, Dr. N said "I've been doing this for 25 years. I would be VERY surprised if you had it. But we just need to be safe." I appreciated that. Then he checked my cervix, and found that it was closed up tight. In fact, the official term was that it was an "unfavorable cervix". Apparently this means that it is "unfavorable" to delivery, because it's not open. Sounds negative, but to me.....this was GREAT news! Combined with the fact that Max is still resting nice and high up, the doctor thinks that he will not make an arrival any time incredibly soon. I understand that the train of thought is that if I did have pre-eclampsia and needed to deliver Max right away, I would have to have a C-Section because my cervix wasn't ready. And that is what makes it so "unfavorable". BUT, considering that I'm living in a hotel, with a very sick dog and a sick husband....having a closed cervix at this point sounds pretty damn FAVORABLE to me. As long as I don't have pre-eclampsia and need to deliver Max STAT (isn't that what they say on Grey's Anatomy?).....brief moment of panic......OH MY GOD I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE A C-SECTION THIS AFTERNOON..... But I'm getting ahead of the story the doctor had me lie on my left side before I left, and took my blood pressure again. This time it was normal. Which made me feel better about going to the hospital for tests, just to be sure.

So Sean and I walked over to the ER, which conveniently is right next door. They checked me in and took us up to Labor & Delivery. The nurse that helped us was SO incredibly sweet. She explained that first I would need to give another urine sample. And because this was the hospital, there was no F-in' around about the cups over there. Not only do they do a "clean catch", but they make you go through THREE alcohol wipes to ummm....prepare. Because one (or even two???) isn't enough??? Then she had me lie down and hooked me up to the monitor for a Non-Stress Test. Fortunately, we had just had our hospital tour and knew exactly what to expect. They put one sensor on my belly to measure Max's heartbeat, and one to measure any contractions that I was having. Immediately, the sound of Max's heartbeat filled our room....there he was, loud and clear! I had to have Sean take a picture to document the drama. Obviously I wasn't as terrified as I could have been, or I would have never allowed such things!
They also ordered some lab work, which I was obviously thrilled about. The odd part was, that the lab tech seemed to have never been in the L&D ward before. She started asking questions about the machines like "Is that the baby's heartbeat? Wow!" Uh-oh...this could be bad. So I had to give her my speech about how I'm tough to draw blood from, you might want to use a vein in my hand because the ones in my arm collapse easily, please use a butterfly needle, I could pass out....blah blah blah. And you know what she said? "Sure thing!" Seriously? No fight? No ego? She wrapped the rubber thing around my forearm, found a vein in my hand, said "This is going to hurt a bit", stuck the needle straight in (and it hurt like a motherf-er).....and what felt like ten seconds later she was.....DONE! "You're done?!" I said? "Yep!" she cheerily replied. I was so impressed that I actually watched her label TWO whole vials of blood because I was shocked that she had gotten that much so quickly! When I told her that she replied "Well, I knew I didn't have much time before your vein collapsed, and that would have just embarassed me and made me more nervous. When a patient tells me to use their hand, they know best. Why would I doubt you?" I asked her if she could please be on-call when I went in to labor. I wanted to hug her.

Once my Rock Star lab tech left, I stayed on the monitor for a bit longer. I had a hell of a Braxton-Hicks contraction, which we could see on the monitor, and Sean could see on my stomach too. Apparently, this made Max a little irritated with the whole situation, and his heart rate fluctuated just a tiny bit. Our nurse said it was nothing to be concerned about and that "If you had something squeezing your head for a bit, you wouldn't be so happy either". However, when this happens during a Non-Stress Test, they want you to stay for a full hour just to be sure that everything evens out. They had me roll onto my left side, and the nurse took my blood pressure. I did briefly wonder if the automated machine squeezing the hell out of my upper arm would make blood gush out of the recently poked hole in my hand, but it didn't. My blood pressure reading turned out fine. I did take advantage of this "hospital trial run" though, and happily accepted some juice from the nurse. juice with ice chips in a cup with a bendy straw. Delightful.

Soon enough, the lab results came back and looked pretty much ok. My urine counts were a bit wacky, and the doctor is going to be calling about the possibility that I could have a UTI. did I miss THAT? The doctor called L&D to check on me, and then said I could take my unfavorable cervix and go home. Oh, and I should look out for headaches, stomachaches, contractions, and swelling. Shit. I have all of those things on a regular basis. In fact, I have a raging headache right this minute. But I guess I'm fine. According to my pee, blood, and the little lines on the monitor display (Max was an active little guy during all of this!). Chalking all of this up to a really interesting trial run. And thanking god that everything is ok.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Pimp My Ride

In between Sean and I sleeping for hours on end today (he's still sick, and I'm convinced that I'm getting sick too) we ventured out for our big activity of the day......installing Max's car seat and going to the Police Department to have it checked.
I must say, Sean did a bang-up job of putting it together! Our friendly neighborhood police man only needed to adjust one thing (making the strap tighter and showing us how to "lock" it in place). He also talked about some other safety tips, like not keeping toys attached to the seat or having anything in the car that could become a projectile in a crash. Good to know.

Sean had to admit, driving around with a CAR SEAT in our car sure is a trip!

Newborn Care Class

Last night I went to the last of our classes at the Day One Center, and learned some fascinating facts about newborn care. Sean stayed home so that his horrible cough and endless sneezing didn't freak out any of the other pregnant ladies, which meant that I took some serious notes on his behalf.

A few things that I learned:

1. Out of the entire class, there was only one other woman who was as far along as I was. BUT, there were some who were MUCH bigger than I was. I know, bitchy to say, but when it's the girl who's giggling at the boob pictures during the breastfeeding part of the class, I think I'm justified.

2. Babies don't need a bunch of products. In other words, the changing table should not look like Mom and Dad's bathroom. They don't need lotion, and body wash, and smelly least not for the first little while. You're not even supposed to use baby powder anymore.

3. Pampers diapers have a velcro closure, so you can re-close/open the diaper a few times if you screw up the process of putting it on. They also have a strip that changes color when it's wet, so that you don't have to put your finger in there to feel. I was supposed to be putting my finger in there to feel???

4. Swaddling. How to pass the baby to your partner. How to hold the baby. When to feed the baby. How to bathe the baby. Umbilical cord care. How to take a temperature (apparently the underarm method is just as accurate as other methods, which means that **thank god** they don't recommend rectal thermometers anymore.) How to know if your baby is too hot, too cold, or pissed at you for dressing them like bozo the clown. Then the girl who giggled at the boobs and her fraternity brother husband asked if they should buy the thermometer that measured the temperature in the nursery and turned colors if it was too hot or too cold. Yes, you should....because it is a MIRACLE that we all survived infancy when our parents didn't have one of those, when really, we should have all died of hypothermia instead. And then they wanted to know "What part of the penis is cut during circumcision? Like, how does it go from looking like that (picture #1) to that (picture #2)?" Really???? You already said you're having a girl, so now you're just looking stupid. And honestly, ask your Sorority Wife....I'm sure she's seen both in her time.

5. Wow, I am CRANKY today, aren't I?!

6. We also learned more about what will happen in the hospital, how the nurses care for the baby, and how to count wet and poopy diapers to make sure baby is getting enough nourishment. This is going to be SO FUN!

Actually Max, there was something about tonight that made your imminent arrival SO real. Maybe it was holding the baby doll and practicing (yes, it made me feel a little maternal in that 6-year-old holding a baby doll kind of way....though not enough to take endless pictures of me holding my fake baby like frat boy husband did ALL through class). Maybe it was the sheer delight of being one of the most pregnant girls in the class, and knowing that we are less than a month away from meeting you. Or maybe it was just thinking about all of those hospital procedures that all babies have, and how I could be holding you and cuddling you while they were counting all your fingers and toes, cleaning you up, and welcoming you into this world. So I guess it was that 6-year-old girl in me, who absolutely can't wait to hold and love a tiny baby. And the 31-year-old girl, who can't wait to be your mom, and bond with you in all of the right ways, and learn exactly how you want to be held, and when you want to be fed, and what each of your little cries mean. Because you're not just any baby, you're OUR baby. Your dad and I created you with love and with hope, and with all of our dreams for being a family. We are both absolutely elated that you will be here soon, and whether it's the 6 year old or the 31 year old girl inside of has been my dream my whole life to be your mom.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Ode to Kohl's

Oh Kohl's,
How I love thee...


Because you have soft stretchy sleeping bras that are buy 2 get one free.

And because last night I stayed awake crying tears of frustration because every pregnant woman but me is packing their hospital bag right now and I am not because my hospital bag is actually my hotel bag and OH MY GOD I can't go into labor because all of Max's clothes are in storage and I don't have anything to bring him home in AND my birthing ball is in storage and I don't even have the things from "The List" purchased yet and I WILL NOT wear hospital underwear and I really want my own robe and where the f--k are my slippers and sob**sob**sob**.

BUT then I bought three pairs of "necessary panties" from Kohls. And I felt just a tiny bit closer to being a tiny bit ready. Even though NOTHING else is ready, at least I have panties and nursing bras people. We may not have a nursery, but I'll be damned if I'm gonna wear the wrong kind of chonies home from the hospital.

Kohl's, I also love you because I found another pair of maternity jeans on clearance for NINE DOLLARS AND EIGHTY CENTS. And some stretchy pajama bottoms. And a little white sweater. And some BLING. Now that we've moved to the country, where it's actually HOT out, my fingers are swelling and I've come dangerously close to my husband killing me for almost getting my ring stuck. And then he forced me to put my ring away in the safety box. So what's a girl to do? Walk around like a knocked-up single lady, singing the Beyonce song "If you like it, then you better put a RING on it...." under my breath? Nah...time to buy some $15.69 bling for my ring finger!
Do you think I overdid it? ;) HAH! Why not have a little fun with life at this point? I'm wearing my fake 4 carat sparkler with PRIDE!

Just a few of life's simple pleasures when you're NINE months pregnant. Geesh.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Summerfield SWEET

Even though I hate being in a hotel, and not in our new house, I am just the smallest bit thrilled that we are in THIS hotel. Why? Because we have a full kitchen and a mini living room that is separate from our bedroom. We have a mini walk-in closet. Because it's clean here. And air conditioned. And we get fresh towels every day. And really, because of all of the free food. Not only do we have free breakfast (even though the eggs are made from powder), but there's a happy hour that someone ( could easily turn into dinner if you were feeling sick (us), tired (us), and bitter about having to waste money on a hotel when we have a perfectly beautiful new house that is sitting there vacant because our jack-ass banker still has not sent an appraiser over ( But I digress.

So tonight, Sean got home from work and was too sick and exhausted to check out the happy hour with me. So I took my pregnant self over there anyway. Even if I wasn't nine months pregnant, I always LOVE free food. Let me paint you a picture. I try to get in to the happy hour and the door is locked. Three business men (here on business, because this is a business hotel) jump up to put their key in the door for me because.....umm, maybe because I'm pregnant and I look hungry? I grab a plate. And realize that this is a SPREAD. Shit. I need to get TWICE as much so that I can bring some back for Sean. So there I am, filling up one small plate with TWO servings of everything because I know that Sean is starving and we need to leave for the hospital tour soon. FOUR pieces of pizza, THREE cookies, a huge amount of chips, a pile of cheese and crackers......and people are staring at the plate of precariously balanced food that I keep adding to, and I'm starting to turn red because I'm realizing that they all think that CRAZY PREGNANT WOMAN is going to eat ALL of this HERSELF. Except nine months ago I would have been mortified. And now? I'm nine months pregnant, people. I don't give a SHIT what you think. And I walk out the door, with my free snacks piled high and a smirk on my face.

Magical Mystical Tour

Tonight we took the long-awaited "hospital tour":

Part 1: Meeting in the lobby of the hospital with other pregnant women and an L&D nurse. Pregnant woman in cute brown dress was talking VERY loudly before we started, and it made me hate her. SHUT UP pregnant lady. No one wants to hear your life story, especially not your mother-in-law, who is ignoring you right now. As I share this with Sean, he remarks "Umm...could my wife have her epidural NOW? And a margarita?"

Part 2: L&D nurse starts her speech. HUGE focus on safety, nurses all wearing ID badges, babies wearing alarm anklets, matching numbers on their bracelets to numbers that mom and dad have, and on and on. Sean leans over and whispers to me "Are there a lot of kidnappings here??" Nope. Just a VERY safety conscious hospital. Now I have more things to worry about. Like someone snatching our baby, or mixing him up. I think I'll draw a little smiley face on his foot with magic marker when he's born, just so I know he's mine.

Part 3: More helpful info. On the big day, we check in at the Emergency Room. Dad can park wherever he wants and move the car later. We get our own room for Labor, Delivery, and Recovery....and then move to another private room for post-partum.....unless they run out of rooms, and then we have to share for post-partum, but that's rare.

Part 4: Head up to L&D. It is HUGE. Nurse wasn't joking when she talked about alarms. They take this whole baby-snatching thing pretty seriously. I was impressed by the digs up there. I've been to a lot of L&D floors at different hospitals for work, and usually you just waltz right in and then the rooms are small and kinda crappy. Not here. They have to buzz you in. There's an official-looking nurses station, and a ton of rooms. The nurse showed us the rooms, and gave us a heads-up on which were the best. 3 out of 9 have a separate sleeping alcove for Dad, and a rocking chair. I'll definitely be requesting an upgrade if it's a quiet night over there.

Overall, we were both really impressed with how warm and nice everyone was. The rooms weren't bad at all (for a hospital). There was a "nourishment center" with juice and crackers and a fridge and microwave. They even give you a "Celebration Dinner" before you leave. The only drawback is that there really isn't a waiting room for family and friends that's right in the L&D area. There's one downstairs though, so I can imagine there may be a little party going on there at some point.

Most importantly, there was a huge sense of calm that came from actually seeing everything in person. Checking out the monitors, the hospital beds, the equipment, and the crib that the baby sleeps in. It sure makes it real, but I think in the long run the "knowing" definitely helps.

Because I'm 9 Months Pregnant....

....and a little fragile right now, people. So this is my answer to most things....

"Because I'm 9 months pregnant, that's why."

When I got home from Safeway and Sean asked how I managed to get the Starbucks guy to give me a free Venti ice water when I didn't order anything else...

"Because I'm 9 months pregnant, that's why."

When I went to the sales office of the new house to pick up our mail, and was inundated with questions from strangers about "Ooh, you're due soon aren't you?!" and I did NOT put on the happy smiley face because I was bitter about even being NEAR the new house when we could not move in yet......I felt justified in my anger "Because I'm 9 months pregnant, that's why."

And when the stupid new sales lady literally SQUEALED "Ooooh, those are KEYS you're holding! Which house is YOURS? How exciting!!", I looked her dead in the eye and said "They're MAIL BOX KEYS. We don't HAVE house keys yet." And I wanted to kick her. The dumb bitch. Because I'm 9 months pregnant and we're living in a hotel and I hate our banker who doesn't seem to care and went on VACATION without telling us, when my husband is sick and our dog is sick and the way....on Friday I'm going to be 37 weeks and that's considered full term so this baby could really come at any time.....THAT'S WHY.

Like this morning, when I went to get my free breakfast at the hotel and decided that I didn't care if the lack of trays meant that you weren't supposed to take anything back to the room. I had no shame about piling up my blintzes and bagel and fruit (and cereal for later, and a muffin for good measure, and a glass of milk balanced underneath my plate) and walking straight out the door....with all of their silverware in my other hand. I'm 9 months pregnant people, I don't give a SHIT.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Movin' To The Country...

...Gonna eat me a lot of peaches.....

Do you remember that song?

Driving over the hill from San Leandro into Dublin, the old school song from Presidents of the USA came on the radio. "Moving to the country, gonna eat me a lot of peaches...." Love it.

But before that song, I was singing along to Paula Cole.....

"I don't want to wait, for our lives to be over. I want to know right now, what will it be. Na, na, na, na, na, na..."

That's when it hit me. Just about six years ago I had driven this same road, with Matt and Susie driving the moving truck and leading the way. We had caravaned from SLO to the Bay Area, and as we were driving over that very same hill, I had called Susie to ask "Where the HELL are we?!". It was the beginning of a new journey that day, leaving SLO and moving up here. I was following my best friend, following what my heart said was the next step in my grown-up life, and starting fresh in a new town. Susie's family was up here. I had spent most weekends up here. I (sort of) knew my way around. It was a leap of faith to not move back to San Diego, but I knew deep down that it was the right thing to do. Susie and I moved in to a little apartment in P-Town, and the rest of our lives began.

I remember singing that Paula Cole song over and over at 23, 24, 25, and wondering what my grown-up life would be like. I had the best girlfriends in the world, but after every not-so-great date or end of a drama-filled relationship, I would be reminded that there was more to life than just being 24. But WHAT WAS IT?

Now, driving over the hill into Dublin I am overwhelmed with gratitude for the life that I have. I am married to an amazing man, who compliments me perfectly. He is everything that I ever dreamed of, and I am completely "at home" with him. I am 36 weeks pregnant, and on my way to becoming the mom of a baby boy. We are moving in to a wonderful new home that we got to create, that is only minutes away from a fantastic support system of our very dear friends and their families. We both have amazing families who have supported us in every step of our journey. I know this neighborhood, I am completely myself with these amazing people, and Sean and I are about to take an incredible next step together as we become parents.

I am supremely blessed in my life. I have every single thing that I could possibly want or need, and I am perfectly content and completely thrilled by how things have come full circle.

"Movin to the country....."

Friday, May 8, 2009

When The Lights Go Down In The City.....

Today was the day that we moved out of our old house, and said goodbye to our "City Life". Or as the movers put it "You guys are YOUNG! Why would you want to leave the city??"

What a loooooong day we had!

6:30 am: Alarm goes off. Sean heads out to grab bagels since we've now thrown all of our food away. He's super sick, but the drugstore isn't even open this early.

8:30 am: Movers show up. They're both about 25, one is about 5 feet tall and the other is a good six feet. The short one looks like "Toast", a friend from college. I hear the following coming from our garage: "Ummm....are we taking ALL of this stuff?!" Oh SHIT. I leave to run to the drugstore and grab some magazines (to keep me busy while everyone works) and some medicine for Sean.

9:30 am: Movers are rockin' and rollin'. These dudes can hustle. And so can my husband, who is busting his ass to move box after box after I am sitting on the couch. Reading US magazine. Sean gets an email from Norma at our new house, which says that she has confirmation that the appraiser actually KNOWS about us, and may be coming this weekend for the final look at our new house. We know we'll be in a hotel for at least a week, but maybe (Please God??!!!) we will be able to move in to our new house next weekend???

10:30 am: The three of them are still tagging boxes and loading boxes. We have 150 + boxes. That doesn't include our furniture. I am sure I am responsible for at least half of those. Which are all filled with SHIT WE DON'T NEED.

12 noon: Yep, still packing the truck. Order pizza for ourselves and the movers.

12:30 Jason and Bill show up. Treadmill and BBQ into J's car, and the guys drive it to Bill's house. Movers are busting their asses. Our upstairs furniture is heavy, and our stairs are slippery and steep. Sean is still the "third mover". God bless him. I am on the couch (which they've promised to move last) eating pizza and jalapeno poppers.

3:00 pm: The entire truck is packed. Sean is sick. He's been sick all day. Poor guy is popping DayQuil and taking shots of Chloraseptic every ten minutes. Now Rylee is sick too. She gets sick all over the back deck, and then comes in and pees all over the (now empty) bedroom. Then she falls over. I start crying. Call Sean to come upstairs. We're trying to figure out if she's relapsing from her brain tumor, or if she's just fed up with watching all of her furniture dissapear and sitting in a messed up house for the last week. Decide to take her to the vet. I run to the corner store to grab paper towels to clean up the mess, since we have now packed every single thing we own.

3:30 Movers leave. Sean and I say goodbye to our house, goodbye to our city view, and goodbye to the years where we spent our time as newlyweds. Caravan over to the vet.

4:30 The vet checks Rylee out. Runs more tests. Isn't too concerned. He thinks that Rylee could have been having a bad reaction to the meds she's taking. Sort of like being stoned. We decide to stop her doses of pain meds to see if that helps her to not be a walking zombie. Breathe a sigh of relief.

4:45 Get on the freeway. It takes us an hour just to get from South SF to the start of the bridge. Wave goodbye to the city skyline as we get on the bridge. PEACE OUT San Francisco!

6:45 Pull in to our home away from home, the Summerfield Suites. Susie and Matt have left us some great welcome gifts, and it makes me want to cry. Bottled water and little snacks are exactly what we desperately need right now! Sean unloads all of the suitcases from the car, takes a shower, and passes out cold in bed. He has a raging fever, a horrible sore throat, and chills. It's 75 degrees out and he's just put a third layer of clothes on. Not to mention, he's exhausted from an entire day spent moving. I unpack our bags and he lets the NyQuil start working it's magic.

7:00 pm Rylee is passed out in her "safe place" under the desk in the hotel room. Her breathing sounds better.

9:00 pm: I head out to grab some chicken soup for Sean and dinner for me. And a thermometer. Sean definitely has a fever.

10:00 pm: Rylee wakes up and gives me the "death stare". She looks at me with hate in her eyes and tries to figure out where the hell she is. Sean is fast asleep in the other room and Rylee can't see him, so she looks at me as if to say "YOU kidnapped me!" I slowly convince her to go outside with me for a walk. I figure that she's had no problem peeing in our house every day for the past week, so why wouldn't she mind peeing all over the hotel room (which is carpeted...everywhere). With a few nudges, she's outside and peeing in the grass. Thank god.

11:30 pm: We're all in bed. Goodnight Moon. Goodnight old lady whispering hush. Tomorrow will be a new day.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

The Last Supper

As a final farewell to the City, we had to hit up some of our favorite restaurants this week. Tonight we joined Jason and Rick at El Toreador, where we have had MANY fun dinners with them over the last year.
We all ordered "the usual", stuffed ourselves with chips, and even toasted with some cerveza and margaritas (virgin for me!).
In keeping up with our traditions, we had to finish the night with gelato and fro yo from the place next door.

Jason and Rick got us some great presents, including a coffee table picture book with all of the gorgeous city sights that we will miss. They are such terrific friends to us, and we don't doubt that they will be "heading out to the country" to spend time with us soon!

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

A New Adventure

Dear Max,

Well, it's about time that I write a little bit about what has been going on behind the scenes of your blog. There are a few big changes that are about to happen, and I have been hesitant to post them here for many reasons. But this is a journal about how we prepared for you to join our family, and I want to start telling you about a new adventure that will be changing our lives in many ways.

After 3 years in our beautiful little Noe Valley house, we are getting ready to move! Our journey to our new house has been full of twists and turns (and it still is!). The past few months have been pretty stressful and scary, because there are many things that we found we couldn't control in this process. Still, we keep thinking about how important it's going to be to give you more space to run and play, and how nice it will be to settle in to our new lives together when you come home. Your daddy has been SuperMan during this process. He's worked so hard to take care of every little detail. He has fought the forces of evil, walked through fire, and has been eating, sleeping, and breathing hard work for many many weeks and months. Our new house is truly his gift to you, and to me.

I have sat on the new carpet on the floor of your nursery, and looked around at the emptiness there until I could imagine you sleeping peacefully in your new crib, surrounded by all of your special things. I have touched the counters in our new kitchen, dreaming of the meals that we will cook as a family. Your dad has imagined where your high chair will fit next to our chairs, and how you and Rylee will play together in the "man cave" downstairs. We can see you running through the grass of the park behind our house, and swimming in the pool with the other kids from our block.

We still have a ways to go before we can breathe a sigh of relief and have our first good night's sleep in our new house. So take your time coming out....we still have lots to do before you get here!



Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Happy Family Day!

Today is a very special day....for two reasons:

1. Max is due June 5th, which means that we are now only ONE month away from his due date! The final countdown begins!

But most importantly, today is FAMILY DAY!

Every year for the past 13 years, we have celebrated the special day that Katie joined our family. Family Day is about remembering together how lucky we are to be a family, and how blessed we have been to have such an amazing (not-so-little-anymore!) girl in our lives! I'm so lucky to have such a wonderful brother, who is truly my best friend. But I had always ALWAYS wanted a little sister. We dreamed of Katie before she came to us. We prepared her nursery as a family, and made sure that everything was in place. I will never forget our first car ride with her, when Katie came home. She was so tiny, and her little head kept flopping forward in the car seat when she fell asleep. Scottie and I took turns holding her head up with a palm to her forehead, the other shielding her face from the sun. It wouldn't take long before she learned to waddle around in her diaper, look super cute in the silly outfits that we dressed her up in, and laugh an infectious giggle when we chased her through the house. From dance class, to kindergarten, and now to (almost) high brilliant little sister continues to be an incredible friend, super-smart student, and kind, thoughtful, young woman who is such a huge blessing to have in our lives. Katie, I am so honored to be your big sis, and I can't wait for you to be Max's Aunt. I know that you will teach him all of the important things in life, like how to be a great friend, how to have a good sense of humor, how to eat sushi with the big kids, how to Skype, how to dress cool, how to say things in three different languages, and how to make the best do-it-yourself fro-yo in town (a little bit of yogurt, LOTS of toppings!). We love you SO much, and are thinking about you and mom and sending you huge hugs on this very special FAMILY DAY!

Monday, May 4, 2009

What I Know For Sure

After the childbirth class yesterday, I have to say that I do feel a certain sense of relief. Knowledge is power, and for the first time I feel like I am armed with enough information to be confident about the birthing process.

Of course I'm still scared. But in a very different way. I'm scared of the unknown, of course. Who knows how my body will respond. How Max will be destined to enter this world. What support staff I'll be matched up with in the hospital. What if....what if.....what if?

But here's what I do know:

1. I can totally count on my husband 100%. "Practicing" everything in class just reaffirmed what I already knew. Sean is my best friend, and can pretty much read my mind most of the time. (Like Saturday, when I was thinking I wanted pizza for dinner and then I fell asleep. I woke up and he had ordered pizza for us.) Of course it's all the important things too. How we can have a conversation with our eyes. How he can distract me when I am afraid or in pain or frustrated. How he takes care of me and checks in on me, and can read my body language. And when he can't, I can communicate an answer to him pretty quickly. In class yesterday I was completely comfortable using him for support, and he knew exactly how to respond to me and listen to what I was feeling. I love how easy it is to share things with him, and it's pretty amazing to know on a regular basis how RIGHT my choice was to spend the rest of my life as his partner.

2. It is slowly sinking in that there will be a BABY at the end of all of this. I've been so scared, so busy, so anxious throughout my pregnancy, that it seems surreal that little Max will be here as a fully functioning tiny baby in about a month. As a spiritual being with a personality all his own. I am finally feeling READY for him to be here. Ready to meet him. Ready to nurse him. Ready to experience what it is like to be a mom, and to watch Sean be his dad. It helped that there was a tiny tiny newborn baby at the Center yesterday. It helps that I am now 35 weeks along. It helps that pregnant people that I know are starting to have their babies. It helps to make things see the end game of this pregnancy business.

3. I am feeling more in control about what will be happening to my body. My goal is to feel like I can make choices for myself when I go into labor. It definitely helps that I recieved some great feedback in the last few days. When Sean and I started talking about trying to at least begin my labor and delivery without medication, it was pretty amazing to hear him say that he thought I had the strength to do it. He said that I am so completely in touch with my body, have a high pain tolerance, and the flexibility and physical strength to carry me through. Then the Childbirth Prep instructor commented on my flexibility when I was practicing the labor positions (I can sit in "butterfly" position and have my knees touch the ground pretty easily....though being pregnant I can't get UP as easily, but whatever). It might sound silly, but a little encouragement goes a long way. So maybe I am not a prenatal yoga/marathon running pregnant mama goddess.....but that doesn't mean that my body can't carry me through this.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Childbirth Class

Surprisingly, we had a great day today at our Childbirth Prep Class! Have I mentioned how nice the Day One Center is? I'm easily impressed by things like bagels and cream cheese in the morning, comfy seating, a free book, lots of resources, oh.....and the one other registered couple not showing up, which meant that we had a PRIVATE CLASS with an awesome instructor!

Some fascinating facts that we took away from our class:

1. Great ideas on labor positions. We will be bringing our yoga ball to the hospital. Sean was quite helpful with massage and support while I was "practicing" my breathing. He really knows how to help me relax!

2. 12% of women have their water break. Even once that happens, you can still have some time to gather your things before you go to the hospital. Other than that, many women can labor at home for 6-12 hours before going in to the hospital. Or as Sean said, what you see in the movies about "Oh my god, my water broke, we have to drive to the hospital NOW" is really made for TV. This makes me feel much better, because I was concerned about some very important things. Like having enough time to shower and put some mascara on before leaving the house.

3. OK.....steel yourself for the big one people.....but......I may not want as many "interventions" as I thought I would. Stop laughing. I'm serious! Now I know that I may change my mind, and I know that there is nothing wrong with an epidural or pain meds, and by no means do I give a shit about trying to be a labor hero or what other people original plan was to hook myself up to an epidural as soon as I walked in the door. I was also a little bit obsessed about needing an IV/catheter/internal fetal monitoring, etc. considering I'm skeeved out by certain needle-ish things.

NOW.....I think I'd like to see what I can do without an epidural first. I like the idea of being able to walk around, being able to sit on the ball, hang out in the jacuuzi tub, and let gravity help me move forward with my labor for a while. I like the concept of maybe not needing an IV or needle-ish things. In fact, thinking that helps me to breathe a little better right at this moment. I reserve the right to start screaming at people and demand that the anesthesiologist run directly into my room with a big fat needle if I need it. I reserve the right to allow myself to relax with pain meds if I need it, if I want it, or if I just can't do it anymore. I am not a martyr here. But I want to be able to connect to my body at least in the beginning. To allow nature to do what it's supposed to. To help my baby to move down by teaming with my friends "gravity" and "nature" (and my husband's great massage techniques!). Again, this is not a militant feminist thing. This is not a badge of honor thing. I love how a dear friend of mine says that once you've had your baby and you're at the park with other moms, the ones who had natural childbirth don't get to walk around with a special medal or a big sticker that calls them out as some kind of hero. Really, nobody cares what you did. So I'm not trying for a medal here. Just thinking that I want to see what happens. And who knows. Maybe by the time I feel like I'm about to die from the pain, I'll be 10 cm and ready to push. Maybe? OK, seriously....stop laughing!

After the class, Sean and I did a little shopping at the Center. He found some great books on nutrition for babies (more on this later). They had an awesome sale on nursing bras and tanks, so I had to take advantage and buy a few things (Don't worry Sus, we're still going back together!). First off, let me just say that I was STUNNED by my new bra size! Close your ears if you are a boy, or if you don't care to hear about boobs. Again. blog, remember? So the lady measured me, with the disclaimer that I was only 35 weeks and would still grow, and then grow again when my milk comes in. Good lord. I measured at a 36 C/D. No biggie. (Hah hah! Pun intended). Then I tried a nursing bra on....and it didn't fit. Too small. So they brought in the next biggest size....and it was a 36 E/F. F! As in holy FUCK. And it actually fit!!! The good news? They were having an awesome sale, and I bought a pink (I might be preggers, but I'm still me!) nursing tank and a black nursing bra. The F-bomb bra. Both were usually 50 bucks, but on sale for 20. Let's just say that if Max doesn't end up nursing for some reason, then I can use these new purchases for a career in strip tease. There's something hysterically funny about bras and tanks that unsnap in front to reveal one boob at a time. Bizarre. But apparently useful. For nursing, I mean. Not for stripper poles.