Wednesday, October 1, 2008


Is it possible that I want to be pregnant so badly, that I've willed my boobs to hurt and made myself nauseas? How do you even spell nauseas? I felt that way last night too, but it was 99 degrees in Mom's house and I was probably just achy from the massage I had at La Costa. I couldn't relax on the plane home today. Even in the first-class seats (thanks for the upgrade Virgin America!) with the footrests and the fully-reclining backs. I thought maybe I was nauseas. But I'm sure it was only the fact that for the first time ever I was experiencing turbulence while horizontally reclining flat on my back in an airplane. And I had chili for dinner. And mexican food for lunch. No wonder I'm nauseas.

I keep daydreaming the different outcomes of October 6th, when I take the test. Or when my period comes. How I'll be bummed if I'm not pregnant, but will try to pretend that it's totally to be expected. I mean, this is only our very first try. Or how stunned and thrilled I'll be if I am pregnant. Will I scream? Cry? Can we keep it our little secret for a while, before we tell anybody? But then, new worries I'm sure. Will it TAKE? Will it grow? Will it be ok? So much to think about, so much to hope for and pray about. Either way, I know that this will be the beginning of our own journey, whatever that may be.

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