Monday, December 29, 2008

Slave to Fashion

Ahhhhh.....maternity clothes. Just the thought of them can conjure up images of enormous blouses with huge bows on the front. I haven't yet decided if being pregnant in the era of "Angelina Jolie's maternity style" is a blessing or a curse.

However, I am determined to make it through these 9 months without embarassing myself, and most importantly, with some of my fashion pride intact. I figure I should also try not falling over and breaking my ankle while trying to walk on my usual 6 inch stiletto heels. I am a slave to fashion, but not at the expense of protecting little Tucker's bubble of existence.

So what is one to do when her pants no longer fit? Now don't get me wrong....they fit everywhere else OTHER than my stomach. But rotating between one pair of black stretch pants and one stretchy black skirt for the last three weeks of work has left me feeling like a "Fashion Don't". Even with those silly "belly bands" that are supposed to hold your "old" pants up, I feel like I'm squashing the little avocado that is my child. So yesterday, it was off to the mall for some retail therapy. Here are some maternity "fascinating facts" that I picked up along the way:

1) Shopping is exhausting. The mere act of walking around a mall for three hours, picking out clothes, and trying them on...used to be exhilarating. Now? Not so much. It was like setting off on a safari. I had to book-end the trip with lunch at the Nordstrom's cafe, and then dinner at the end of my trip. I had to carry my own water bottle, and stop for random stretch breaks. And I'm not even that huge yet!!

2) Certain stores are now completely off of the browsing rotation, which cuts my shopping time in half. Lucky jeans? Off the list. Abercrombie? No way. Unless there's elastic in the waistband, it's a no go. Damn skinny teenagers.

3) Motherhood Maternity is actually growing on me. They may not be the cutest store, but they sure know how to cater to preggies. Why? A) They're cheap! They're like the Target/Old Navy of maternity clothes. B) The super comfy maternity waistband on most of their clothes is like the holy grail for those of us with a swollen uterus. Not too tight, not so loose that it falls down. And they have it on everything from dress pants to jean skirts. C) THEY HAVE A BATHROOM. D) They believe in blasting the air conditioning in the dressing rooms, and the sales lady said to me "Let me move you to this room, where the A/C is better. Pregnant women need their A/C". E) They won't let you carry around all your s*&t until your arm is ready to fall off. Why not? Because you're pregnant! So they carry everything FOR you, so that you and your growing baby can relax, have a drink of water, and spend more money.

4) I may not be in my 20's any more, but that hasn't stopped me from visiting my favorite store "Forever 21". I am determined to buy cheap (and cute) tops there until I can no longer squeeze Tucker's little apartment in them anymore. And then, I will go there just for the jewelry and bags. When that day comes, I will cry. Until then, I am thanking god for the current empire waist trend, and the rows upon rows of $9.80 tops.

5) Bras. If you are a man, please stop reading right now. may continue. I have officially graduated to a larger size. My cups runneth over. And from what I hear, this is just the beginning. I refuse to buy nursing bras now, for two reasons. 1) Word on the street is that I will grow even bigger before this whole experience is complete. Dear lord, I may look like Dolly Parton by my third trimester! 2) I flat out refuse to buy a bra that snaps OPEN to expose my boobs, like some kind of skanky stripper contraption. When I'm nursing, that's a different story. But until then, I prefer my brassieres to be of the "coverage" type. Therefore, the Victoria's Secret sale still allowed me to feel like a lady, at least for another few months :)

Now if I could only find some shoes.....

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